Yet Another Harry Potter Movie Parody: The BoH
by yoneld
Summary: Because all the cool kids are doing it. Includes everyone talking fancy all the time, lots of Umbridge impersonations, and me trying to be as good at parodying as iheartmwpp check out her parodies to the HP movies .
1. Teh WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FOURTH WALL?

**Parody of the Battle of Hogwarts - Great Hall**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, A Very Potter Musical or Sequel, Percy Jackson & The Olympians, Phineas and Ferb, or iheartmwpp._

**Snape**: You're probably wondering why I summoned you here tonight, I say in a manner that reminds yoneld a lot of Artemis Fowl.

**yoneld**: Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Snape**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Snape**: ANYWAY!

**Movie watchers**: Actually, why ARE they there and what's Harry got to do with it?

**Book readers**: Screw them, why are WE here?

**yoneld**: Because you're either obsessed with this franchise and can't stop yourself from going anywhere you see the word "Harry", "Potter", "Wizard", or "Wand" even if it's got nothing to do with it, or you hate these movies and want to see just how bad they get, like Greg and his father do with Li'l Cutie.

**Snape**: I never said you could ask questions.

**Harry**: Having flashbacks to my Dursley days... oh wait, that wasn't in the movies. Carry on, _Headmaster_. *nods head in mock-respect*

**yoneld**: You only say the _Headmaster_ part in the game.

**Harry**: That's absurd!

**yoneld**: _You're_ absurd!

**Harry**: What - Say that again. To my face.

**yoneld**: You're absurd!

**Harry**: That's absurd!

**Snape**: Potter, yoneld, those lines are specifically written for Lupin and me!

**Alan Rickman and David Thewlis**: And we don't even get to say those lines.

**Joe Moses and Brian Holden**: Hah! Take that, movie actors!

**Snape**: That's not your cue anyways, Potter, what are you doing? Get back in the crowd.

**Harry**: M'kay. *gets back in the crowd*

**yoneld**: Guys, stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Snape and Harry**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Camera**: I'm bored with this Fowl-talk. Imma look at someone cooler now.

**Hufflepuffs**: Apparently we FIND Snape highly interesting, unlike the camera.

**yoneld**: Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Hufflepuffs**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Snape**: ...that you feel confident enough to NOT PAY ATTENTION!

**Camera**: Sorry, what did you say?

**Snape**: Mr. Potter. Our new... _celebrity_. Or Undesirable Number One, should I say?

**Harry**: I'm not in this scene yet, that's what you told me.

**yoneld**: Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Harry**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Snape**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: No more Umbridge impersonations.

**Snape**: If anyone's seen Harry Potter, turn him in. Also, if anyone knows anything about Potter's whereabouts -

**Everyone in the audience**: *is currently acting like Hermione in any given class* OOH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY PICK ME!

**Snape**: Really? Where is he?

**Movie watchers**: We're not telling you!

**Book readers**: Lose those Death Eaters and we'll tell you.

**Snape**: You suck. So yeah, that would really suck if you didn't turn him in because you will be severely punished. Also, if you don't turn in information about him, that would also really suck because you will be treated as *pauses to breathe* ee-qually guilty.

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: OH GOD WHY.

**Movie watchers**: I know, right? This is torture!

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: … You just do not comprehend the awesomeness that is Severus Snape.

**yoneld**: And Alan Rickman's acting is totally awesome. He's the perfect Snape.

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: Dude, Snape is always perfect.

**Snape**: So yeah, if anyone has information, I invite them to step. Forward. Now.

**Camera**: Imma zoom in on the Gryffindors. Siriusly, how did I not see Harry?

**Harry**: Is that my cue, _Headmaster_? *nods head in mock-respect*

**yoneld**: You only say the _Headmaster_ part in the game.

**Harry**: That's absurd!

**yoneld**: _You're_ absurd!

**Harry**: What - Say that again. To my face.

**yoneld**: *walks up real close to Harry's face*

**Harry**: Getting a bit uncomfortable here... How did you even get that close to my face if you're part of the audience and I'm just a fictional character?

**yoneld**: Iunno. Maybe because you're breaking the fourth wall?

**Harry**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché. Also, you're absurd!

**Harry**: That's absurd!

**Snape**: Potter, yoneld, those lines are specifically written for Lupin and me!

**Alan Rickman and David Thewlis**: And we don't even get to say those lines.

**Joe Moses and Brian Holden**: Hah! Take that, movie actors!

**Snape**: That's not your cue anyways, Potter, what are you doing? Get back in the crowd.

**Harry**: Actually, I believe this time it _is_ my cue. Stop repeating lines from earlier.

**yoneld**: Guys, stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Snape and Harry**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Harry**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: I _said_, no. More. Umbridge. *voice switches to a very high-pitched girly voice* Impersonations!

**Game Five players**: Hypocrite.

**yoneld**: *voice goes back to normal* What?

**Game Five players**: The way you said "impersonations" sounded exactly like Umbridge from Game Five.

**yoneld**: Sorry! *under his breath* And here I thought people had a sense of humor.

**Harry**: It appears that, despite your exhaustive security measures, you have a bit of a problem.

**yoneld**: What? I'm not parodying this line, it's one of my favorite lines of the movie!

**Doors**: WE ARE OPENING.

**Ron and the Weasleys... interesting band name, Hermione, and the Order**: Yay dramatic entrances!

**Percy**: Looks like I already saw sense!

**Ron and the Weasleys... interesting band name**: Duh, he said Weasleys! If you didn't he would have said "Ron and the Weasleys (minus Percy)" and that would not be an interesting band name.

**Harry**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Dude, you're not Toadbridge. You're Harry.

**Harry**: You're right, I do need to shave -

**yoneld**: That's your name, dummy! Also, stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Harry**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Harry**: ANYWAYS! I'm afraid it's quite extensive.

**yoneld**: THIS IS THE MOVIE NOT THE GAME DON'T SAY HEADMASTER!

**Harry**: Tell them how it happened that night.

**Snape**: Well, Quirrell was going towards the trapdoor and I had to stop him...

**Harry**: The other one.

**Snape**: Dude, Lupin left his map there, it's obvious! Oh wait, that wasn't in the movie.

**Harry**: NO NOT THAT ONE! THE OTHER ONE.

**Snape**: I was trying to warn Black not to come...

**Harry**: Getting closer...

**Snape**: DO NOT MENTION THAT NIGHT! I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO IT AS IT REVEALED MY TRUE LOYALTIES!

**Harry**: Finally! Anyways, tell them how you looked him in the eye, the man who trusted you, and killed him.

**Snape**: I didn't kill the Dark Lord. And nobody is foolish enough to look him in the eye.

**Gregorovitch**: Funny story about that...

**Snape**: Dude. You're dead.

**Harry**: AHA! A confession!

**Snape**: That was the Dark Lord who killed him.

**Harry**: Tell them.

**Snape**: Now I'm MAD! I'm strangling you. Feel that? Those are my hands around your neck, you big bully. Get over here! I'm going to head-butt you so hard —

**Harry**: You're not Terminus.

**McGonagall**: BOOM!

**Snape**: Crap, I'm in trouble. Meh, who cares. DIE!

**McGonagall**: BOOM! *does this weird fire thingy on Snape*

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: You dare try to kill him?

**Weird fire thingy**: I'm weird and fiery. And a thingy.

**Snape**: Imma split the weird fire thingy in half.

**Double weird fire thingies**: WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU, LAME DEATH EATERS!

**Death Eaters**: WE NEVER SAW NAMIBIA!

**Movie watchers**: Wait... was Dumbledore right about him? Is he really good.

**yoneld's friendly-friend and book readers**: OH GOD WHY.

**Movie watchers**: What?

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: Snape is supposed to be this mysterious character who nobody knows what his true colors are until his whole backstory is revealed at the end!

**yoneld**: Well, that would mean that the films would actually feature some backstory. We can't have that, now, can we?

**Snape**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE TOAD.

**Snape**: Yeah... Imma run for my life now before she realizes we're on the same side. *runs for his life now before she realizes they're on the same side*

**McGonagall**: Coward! COWARD!

**yoneld**: *sketches exterior shot of the Great Hall for his SketchUp model of Hogwarts*

**McGonagall**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: *is too busy sketching the exterior shot of the Great Hall noticing the Toad impersonation*

**Camera**: What is this, Film Five? OH GOD I AM NOT DOING THE TOAD'S SPEECH AGAIN!

**McGonagall**: No, it's me. Please focus back on me?

**yoneld**: *is finally done with his sketch* Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**McGonagall**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**McGonagall**: ANYWAYS! *lights braziers*

**Students**: Yayz!

**Girl**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!

**Braziers**: WE NEVER SAW INDONESIA!

**Camera**: Back to Film Four now, are we? Oh wait - screaming girl! Yayz we're still in Film Eight!

**Harry**: Wait! I'm the main character, remember? Focus on me!

**Camera**: Fine! *focuses on Harry*

**Harry**: Imma walk over to this girl.

**Girl**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Voicedemort**: I am _mesmerizing_ all of you. All of you.

**yoneld**: The _mesmer_ needs eye contact. Unless Opal found you a way to _mesmerize_ without eye contact? Because I don't feel very _mesmerized_.

**yoneld's sister**: Who said that?

**yoneld**: You're currently in Book Four?

**yoneld's sister**: Yes.

**yoneld**: You'll know when you get to Book Seven.

**Voicedemort**: Hem, hem. Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: *groans*

**Voicedemort**: I know that you are preparing to fight. To fight. Some of you may even think that the fight is wise. Wise. But this is folly. Folly. You cannot fight me. Fight me.

**Padma**: Where's Parvati, even though yoneld thought I was her when he first watched this movie? Did she die or something? Or did Shefali Chowdhury get arrested for drugs too, like Jamie Waylett, and I was put in to replace her, but that makes no sense -

**yoneld**: No, you're right, it makes dollars.

**Padma**: - since I'm supposed to be in this movie anyways, and they didn't put anyone in to replace me, what gives?

**yoneld**: Actually, I think Cho is supposed to replace you.

**Cho**: Actually, I'm in this movie anyways.

**Padma**: And this noise is really irritating, can you please stop it? And now for my obligatory line: I should be in Ravenclaw.

**yoneld**: That explains everything.

**Padma**: What?

**yoneld**: Since you're in Gryffindor in the movies, your only role in the book would have been rendered pointless, because Harry looked at the Ravenclaws to see if there's anything that could be the Horcrux. So you're just replacing Parvati.

**Padma**: Then which Ravenclaw is replacing me?

**yoneld**: … Iunno.

**Lavender**: Heck if I know. And I know, right?

**yoneld**: Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Padma**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Voicedemort**: Hem, hem. Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: You know, Voicedemort, you make it sound much worse.

**Voicedemort**: Give me Harry Potter. Potter. Do this, and I shall leave Hogwarts untouched. Untouched. Give me Harry Potter, Potter, and you shall be rewarded. Warded. You have until midnight. Midnight.

**Pansy**: Well? What are you waiting for? He's right there! Someone grab him!

**Ginny**: M'kay. *goes to kiss Harry*

**Harry**: Not the time, Ginny.

**Ginny**: Oh right.

**Pansy**: Curses, foiled again.

**Ginny**: Get over yourself, you Pansy.

**Pansy**: I hate it when people use my name like that.

**Draco**: B-b-b-b-but, b-b-b-b-but, b-b-b-b-but, b-b-b-b-but -

**Baljeet**: _There is no candy in me/There is no candy in me/I am just a little boy!_

**PLATYPUS! (What the heck is a platypus?)**: Grr.

**Baljeet**:_There is no candy in me/Your mother is blindfolded/So she cannot see/She attacked me with a bat/There is no candy in me!_

**Buford**: Nerd ain't no piñata!

**Pansy**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: I am Siriusly considering making Umbridge my #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil.

**Everyone ever**: What, isn't she your #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil yet?

**yoneld**: No, chairs are. But Umbridge is #2.

**Everyone ever except the vague possibility of other sane people at yoneld's school**: Chairs? Siriusly? That's your idea of an evil thing of evil?

**yoneld and the vague possibility of other sane people at his school**: Yes! CHAIRS ARE EVIL!

**Vague possibility of other sane people at yoneld's school**: At least the flying variety is.

**yoneld**: Actually, now they constantly get stuck in my crocs. WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE CHAIRS.

**yoneld's mother**: Okay, that's enough.

**Pansy**: Yeah, nobody cares. Draco, you were saying?

**Draco**: Have you forgotten the Yule Ball already?

**Pansy**: Oh right… didn't Goyle say that dancing is for pansies, and then you invited me?

**Ginny**: Hem, hem.

**Chairs**: *are no longer yoneld's #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil*

**Umbridge**: Now that chairs are no longer yoneld's #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil, guess who gets to be yoneld's new #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil?

**Snape**: Me?

**Ron**: *excitedly* Snape?

**Umbridge**: No! Me! Yo mama! Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh der der der.

**yoneld**: Snape is nowhere near my Top 100 Most Evil Things of Evil list!

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: I sure hope so!

**yoneld**: Dude. My parody readers are trying to get some stuff of iheartmwpp's caliber. Nobody needs to hear you fanboy over Snape. Why don't you watch AVPM or AVPS? It almost turned me into a fanboy.

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: M'kay. *watches AVPS and fanboys over Snape*

**yoneld**: Sure glad that's over! Also, stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Umbridge**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**Ginny**: Anyways, so yeah. I get to kiss him later and we get married after this crap is over. And NOBODY MESSES WITH THE BOY WHO LIVED! HE KILLED THE DARK LORD WHEN HE WAS A BABY!

**Ron**: You too, sis?

**Hermione**: STEALING RON'S LINES IS _MY_ ROLE!

**Weasleys**: NOT OUR SURROGATE BABY BROTHER!

**Snape**: WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE?

**McGonagall**: BOOM!

**Snape**: Crap. *runs for his life*

**Filch**: Students out of bed! Even though I probably know that Snape called that assembly!

**McGonagall**: Exactly, you blithering idiot!

**yoneld**: OH GOD WHY - oh wait, she doesn't die. A lot of characters have their "awesome" moments just before they die, especially in this film.

**Filch**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: OH GOD WHY.

**Filch**: Oh. Sorry madam.

**McGonagall**: As it happens, you've arrived at this most apartments - oh wait, that's not it. Opportunity - nope. Siriusly, what the heck is that word? yoneld had to use the subtitles to know how it's spelled and still has trouble with it!

**yoneld**: No I don't. Opportune. But I did have to use the subtitles at first.

**McGonagall**: And now to smash my reputation of not favoring anyone: Take the Slytherins outta here.

**Filch**: Where is it I'll be taking them to, Mommy? And Siriusly, what's with all the fancy talking and my accent?

**McGonagall**: The dungeons will do. And don't call me Mommy.

**Students**: Yay-face! Also, I never knew Filch was McGonagall's son!

**yoneld**: That's because he's not. McGonagall doesn't have any kids. He just pronounced "ma'am" wrong.

**McGonagall**: I'm presuming -

**yoneld**: THAT'S SO NOT WHAT SHE SAID! All puns intended.

**Harry**: NO I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!

**yoneld**: Did someone build a fourth wall?

**Harry**: No, I was just ignoring you.

**yoneld**: Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Harry**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché. But I thought someone just built one!

**Harry**: No, it wasn't there. I told you, I just ignored you.

**yoneld**: Unpleasant flashbacks to last year…

**McGonagall**: Hem, hem.

**Death**: *is no longer Public Awesome-Moment Enemy Number One*

**Umbridge**: Now that Death is no longer Public Awesome-Moment Enemy Number One, guess who gets to be the new Public Awesome-Moment Enemy Number One?

**Snape**: Me?

**Ron**: *excitedly* Snape?

**Umbridge**: No! Me! Yo mama! Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh der der der.

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: Snape is so not Public Awesome-Moment Enemy Number One that it's not even funny. If anything, Snape is the KING of awesome moments.

**yoneld**: Especially in AVPS. *coughWhatthedevilisgoingonhe eeeeeeeleeeeeeeeeeeerecough*

**McGonagall**: Let me finish, dummy. I'm assuming you have a reason for returning, Potter, what is it?

**Harry**: Oh, that. I'm the freaking main character, for the love of Merlin's dirtiest socks! The reason is to further the plot! And I need time for that, as much as you can get me.

**McGonagall**: yoneld?

**yoneld**: What?

**McGonagall**: Aren't you going to say anything about Potter breaking the fourth wall?

**yoneld**: What? Oh right! Stop breaking the fourth wall.

**Harry and McGonagall**: We had a fourth wall?

**yoneld**: Touché.

**McGonagall**: Oh, and Potter?

**Harry**: Yes?

**McGonagall**: *nods head awkwardly* It's good to see you.

**Harry**: Siriusly? You can fight Snape but you find talking to me awkward?

**McGonagall**: Uh…

**Harry**: Well, yoneld was wondering what took me so long to respond so I was probably thinking this. Anyway, it's good to see you too, Professor. This is your moment, Neville!

**Neville**: These guys are going down. *gives Harry the thumbs-down* Down, down, down. D-O-W-N, down!

**_Review or Voicedemort will _mesmerize _all of you._**


	2. Teh WHAT IS THIS MAGIC

_A/N: Hey guys! I realize I forgot the riddikulusly long author's note that's always there in iheartmwpp's parodies last chapter. So here it is. THREE REVIEWS IN ONE NIGHT! Thanks to iheartmwpp, RandomFandom5, and SlytherinIceQueen639._

_I have gotten some complaints *coughiheartmwppcough* about repeating the same jokes. I'll admit that I repeated the fourth wall joke too much, so I'll try to do it less. It might not even be in this chapter. And about the flying chairs – I nearly got decapitated by about three of them, so leave me alone, iheart. But keep reviewing! The "no, me, your mama" joke – I was running out of places to put them anyways, so you don't need to complain about it. Umbridge isn't in this film anyway._

_It's my sister's birthday today. She's one. Happy birthday, sis! Also, GUESS WHO GOT HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX FOR THE DSI. I'm on my way to the OWLs now._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film_ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _A Very Potter Musical_ or _Sequel_, _Phineas and Ferb,_ or iheartmwpp.

~Yay, the moving staircases are back! Oh wait, that staircase is just in the middle~

**Random student #87**: Come on, let's get outta here!

**Random student #99**: Did the Grand Staircase just spontaneously change or something? yoneld was wondering what part of the castle was this.

**Cramped Trio of Let Us Breathe, People**: *are going up-, rather than downstairs*

**Ron**: Harry! Wait up!

**Harry**: *turns around*

**Ron**: Hermione and I were thinking…

**yoneld's sister**: Wait… are you actually allowed to do that? Isn't Hermione the smart one? Oh wait, she probably did all the thinking…

**yoneld**: Didn't the books prove that Ron can think?

**yoneld's sister**: I'm only at Book Four.

**Ron**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: AAAAAAAAAARGH!

**Ron**: It doesn't matter if we find another Horcrux. I don't even know if we can FIND it, since we're not Hufflepuffs. I need a Hufflepuff! NOW!

**yoneld**: Did somebody say yoneld?

**yoneld's father**: Yes, I did. I was calling you to dinner.

**Harry**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Why are you imitating the very person who made your hand bleed?

**Harry**: Because shut up. Anyways, whatever do you mean? Again with the fancy talking.

**Hermione's eyebrows**: Unless we can DESTROY it! I don't know if Gryffindors are good DESTROYers, though… *open one of the many books they brought but are only mentioned offhand in Film Seven* Yes. Yes, we are.

**Harry**: Just your eyebrows, or all of us Gryffindors?

**Hermione**: Gryffindors. But especially my eyebrows.

**Ron**: So we were thinking…

**Hermione's eyebrows**: Well, Ron was thinking. In this film, he's allowed to do that. It was his idea, it's completely brilliant. Kind of like what he thought the Ministry did in Book Five, except HE WAS WRONG!

**Ron**: Apparently I can't take a compliment. You destroyed Tom Riddle's diary with Sheldon's fang, didn't you?

**Harry**: How you know the name of that particular basilisk is beyond me.

**Ron**: Dude, there's no fourth wall. We know everything that happens ever. Anyways, I think we know where we can FIND one, even though we're not Hufflepuffs.

**Harry**: Okay. Okay, but take this. *hands him a sandwich*

**Ron**: Okay. What is it?

**Harry**: It's a sandwich.

**Ron**: OM NOM NOM.

**Harry**: Take this, too. *hands him Marauder's Map* That way you can FIND me when you get back.

**yoneld**: Switching house roles now, are we? Fine! See if I care! I will DESTROY this scene!

**Hermione**: Where are you going? And for the first time in this scene, my eyebrows aren't speaking!

**Harry**: Ravenclaw Tower. Gotta start somewhere! *runs off* And no making out!

**Ron**: Sure, sure.

**Luna**: Harry! Wait!

~They're back to not just cutting from one scene to another but actually using some kind of transitions? OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE I WANT A SANDWICH~

**Parody readers**: You just had dinner.

**yoneld**: Whatever do you mean by this?

**Parody readers**: HELP! OUR SUBSTITUTE PARODY WRITER HAS WATCHED THIS MOVIE TOO MANY TIMES! AND IT'S ONLY BEEN AROUND FOR A YEAR!

**Students**: We're still running outside.

**Neville**: It's actually the time for me to be awesome? You're giving me permission?

**McGonagall**: That is correct, Longbottom. Siriusly, what is with the fancy talking in this film?

**Neville**: Blow it up? Boom?

**Audience**: If they're blowing things up, shouldn't Seamus do that?

**Seamus**: Hello? I'm right here!

**McGonagall**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: *pulls out earplugs*

**McGonagall**: BOOM! And for some reason, I'm extremely OOC in this film. Does the Headmaster of Hogwarts always have to be OOC?

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: No. Snape wasn't. Because he's just awesome like that.

**yoneld**: Stop fanboying over Snape or get out of my parody! I told you to go watch AVPS!

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: Already did.

**yoneld**: Okay. Watch AVPM!

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: M'kay. *watches AVPM*

**Neville**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: You totally just ruined your awesomeness. Even Umbridge isn't that bad.

**Umbridge**: WHO DISRESPECTING UMBRIDGE.

**yoneld**: Let me finish, toad. If anything, Umbridge helped Neville become awesome.

**Neville**: How on earth are we going to do that? And what seventeen-year-old talks like that?

**McGonagall**: Why don't you consult with Mr. Finnigan. As I recall, he's got a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics.

**Seamus**: Nice alliteration.

**McGonagall**: Aww, shucks. Anyways, again, what's with the fancy talking? yoneld should replace one of the things in his summary with me talking fancy.

**yoneld**: I'm on it! I think I'll replace it with the fourth wall jokes.

**Seamus**: Iunno. Anyways, I can bring 'er down.

**yoneld**: I don't know about other languages, but in Hebrew, bridge (_gesher_) is masculine, and English doesn't have any genders, what gives?

**McGonagall**: That's the spirit.

**Flitwick**: You do know that nothing we do can keep He-Who-Can-Suddenly-Feel-It-When-His-Horcruxes-Are-Destroyed-In-This-Film-Despite-Not-Being-Able-To-In-Previous-Films-Because-The-Filmmakers-Have-Never-Heard-Of-Continuity out indefinitely, right? And more fancy talking!

**Book readers**: Well, if one of Harry's blood relatives on his mother's side would come and live here, we could keep him out indefinitely - oh wait, the blood protection only applies until he's seventeen. Never mind.

**yoneld**: For some reason, that gives me an idea for Harry's grandparents raising Harry. They could do it at Hogwarts!

**McGonagall**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: *implodes*

**Parody**: *comes to a sudden stop as yoneld has imploded*

**McGonagall**: That doesn't mean we can't delay him. Which is what we should've done in Book Five - delay the school year so that we wouldn't get stuck with the toad. And his name is Voldemort, Filius. I'm the Headmistress now, which means I must be as OOC as possible. Anyways, you might as well use his name, Filius. He's going to try and kill you anyway. Now: _Piertotum Locomotor_!

"**Statues" Track**: *is one of the most awesome tracks in the history of Harry Potter, second only to Buckbeak's Flight and Room of Requirements*

**Statues**: WE ARE JUMPING DOWN AND SLOWLY RISING. To our titular track. It's almost as if we know what the soundtrack sounds like.

**McGonagall**: Hogwarts is in danger! Man the boundaries even though yoneld thought I was making some random sounds when he watched the trailers to this film, protect us! Do your duty to our school!

**Random Statue #8,438-5**: Well, so far our duty was only to host Peeves, but whatever.

**Statues**: WE ARE MARCHING.

**McGonagall**: More OOC-ness!

**Molly**: I seem to be extremely worried. And rightly so. I just hope all of my kids make it through the night.

**yoneld**: *sniff* If only.

**Flitwick**: _Protego Maxima. Fianto Duri. Repello Inimicum. Noncanonicum Spellio_.

**yoneld**: *has recovered from his implosion* This was actually what the subtitles said. Except for Noncanonicum Spellio. Listen more closely to what they said, Qsubs team!

**Qsubs Team**: *very bad Hebrew accent* What? Det is wot we tot dey said.

**yoneld**: Qsubs Team are the people that make Hebrew subtitles for online movies. They suck at transliterating spells and names. For these spells - well, they did get the Protego Maxima right, but they thought the second spell was Thianto Dully, the third spell was Repello Muggletum, and the fourth spell wasn't even transliterated. And none of them were canon.

**Slughorn**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: This is getting old, maybe we should stop?

**Slughorn**: _Protego Maxima. Fianto Duri. Repello Inimicum. Noncanonicum Spellio_.

**Molly**: _Protego Maxima. Fianto Duri. Repello Inimicum. Non__canonicum Spellio_.

**Non-canon spells**: Apparently, when combined, we make numerous force fields which join up. Oh, and there are other people using us.

**Force fields**: WE ARE JOINING UP.

**Dementors**: AAAAAAAAAH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS US! IT FREEZES!

**yoneld**: *is sketching Hogwarts*

~Meanwhile, in one of the many towers of Hogwarts…~

**Luna**: Harry! Wait!

**Harry**: Not now! I'm preoccupied with the fact that even we are talking fancy at the moment!

**Luna**: Plz? *puppy dog eyes*

**Harry**: It only works when Ginny does it.

**Luna**: Harry!

**Harry**: Laterz!

**Luna**: I've got free RED VINES! Even though yoneld prefers Twizzlers and I know for a fact that the RED VINES from AVPS were actually Twizzlers in a RED VINES pack.

**Harry**: O RLY?

**Luna**: YAH RLY.

**Harry**: GIMME RED VINES.

**Luna**: *gives him Twizzlers disguised as RED VINES*

**Harry**: OM NOM - wait a second… these don't really taste like RED VINES…

**Luna**: No, they're the RED VINES you had in AVPS.

**Harry**: Oh, okay then. OM NOM NOM.

**Luna**: Anyways, Cho said there's no one alive who's seen it.

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT YOU.

**Luna**: I can't believe it! Are we back to Film Six?

**Harry**: No, I really don't know where you're going with this.

**Luna's eyebrows**: Isn't it obvious?

**Harry**: … why can your eyebrows suddenly talk? I mean, I know Hermione's eyebrows talk all the time, but you?

**Luna's eyebrows**: We're not really talking. It's just that yoneld made us talk because our last line was something Hermione's eyebrows would usually say.

**Harry**: Oh, okay then.

**Luna**: Anyways, we need to talk to someone who's dead.

**Harry**: OH GOD I AM NOT TALKING TO THESE INFERI AGAIN.

**Luna**: Try thinking a bit closer to here.

**Harry**: Ooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny… *walks over to the shiny*

**Luna**: Shiiiiiiiiiny… *walks over to the shiny* It's beautiful, isn't it? *has a dreamy look on her face* The moon.

**Harry**: Divine.

**Luna**: I just can't stop thinking about you, Harry.

**Harry**: Oh HECK no. I never broke up with Ginny in this version! You were saying something?

~And now they're back to cutting to the next scene. I spoke too soon~

**Flitwick**: I look smug for some reason. Also, wasn't I in the courtyard? What am I doing at the end of the bridge?

**Random statue #84,327-47**: Iunno. I'm just a statue.

**Flitwick**: And how did I get past the statues?

**yoneld**: One of the advantages of being small… I remember hiding in very small places back in first grade.

**Force field**: I AM CLOSING.

~We now return you to… Siriusly? Some random courtyard with ABSOLUTELY NOBODY? WHAT IS THIS MAGIC~

**Camera**: Hang on, let me focus on the main character. *moves away from Harry*

**Harry**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: I'm running out of things to say now.

**Camera**: NOES NOT FILM FIVE AGAIN! Why does that sound like a guy? Is this AVPS or something?  
**  
Harry**: No! It's me, the main character! I'm over here!

**Camera**: Fine! Hang on, it's gonna take some time.

**Luna's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOM!**: You can FIND her down here.

**yoneld**: I'll FIND her, seeing as I'm a Hufflepuff.

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOM!**: Aren't you coming?

**Luna**: No. She's very shy. It's best if you're alone with her…

**Harry**: Last time I was alone with a female ghost, she was extremely creeping me out.

**Luna**: DON'T QUESTION ME.

**Harry's shadow**: I AM WALKING.

**Harry**: Hey, wait up… I can't let you be creeped out by a creepy ghost of creepiness alone! *goes back inside*

**Grey Lady**: Wow. I was recast. Shocker.

**Weird voices**: Watashi tachi mo Paaserutangu imasu ka? Aruiwa wareware dakede shirimetsu retsu na koe wa nani desu ka?  
**  
Harry**: Hey… you look different than six years ago…

**Grey Lady**: I am highly offended by what you said. *turns into a Patronus and tries to leave*

**Book readers**: Since when can ghosts do that?

**Movie watchers**: IKR.

**Harry**: I'm sorry, I say while not looking sorry at all. It's Helena, isn't it? Don't ask me how I know this, but you're Helena Ravenclaw, Rowena's daughter.

**Grey Lady**: *turns back into a ghost*

**Audience**: O-kay…

**Grey Lady**: Since you called me by my real name, I'm automatically assuming that you know Luna.

**Harry**: Yes. Yes, I do.

**Grey Lady**: MORE FANCY TALKING! Also, you seek my mother's diadem.

**Harry**: Well, I am a Seeker… and now I am staring blankly again. What is wrong with me? Also, Luna thought you can help me.

**Grey Lady**: Luna's cool. She's one of yoneld's favorite characters, unlike many others. *coughUmbridgecough* But she was wrong. I cannot help you. Although with me, the fancy talking is okay, as I died, like, early 11th century. *turns into Patronus*

**Hedwig's Theme**: *conveniently plays right then*

**Grey Lady**: *dances through Harry*

**Harry**: Am I supposed to be warm or cold? I mean, as a Patronus, she should be warm, but as a ghost, she's cold, so what the heck? Hey, wait up! *goes back into the courtyard*

**Grey Lady**: *turns back into ghost right in the middle of the courtyard* I seem to be pained.

**Harry**: I am a Gryffindor.

**Grey Lady**: So you're going to DESTROY it?

**Harry**: Yes.

_A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. Gotta do some summer homework I've been holding off till the last moment. And eat some melons while I'm doing it. Also, I'm going to Washington, DC, tomorrow and I'm not sure if I'll have Internet at the hotel I'm staying in. I'll write the next chapter on the plane and upload it as soon as possible. I'm warning you, though, the next chapter will have a long rant about how much I hate airport security in the riddikulusly long opening author's note. Also, I'm not sure if I'll be able to update very often once school starts. Even if I do, it probably won't end in 2012, seeing as I'm pretty much parodying the whole rest of the movie except for the epilogue. And I might do that too._

_**Review or the Grey Lady will turn into a Patronus and dance through you to Hedwig's Theme.**_


	3. Teh LACK OF CONTINUITY AND CANONICITY

_A/N: Hi guys! I'm on my way to Washington, D.C. right now. The plane is very small, but I'm fine. I've got like two and a half hours of battery left on my laptop._

_WARNING: If you don't want to hear me rant about airport security, skip over the next couple of paragraphs. My parents just won't let me. I'm sorry for using you guys as an outlet, but I have to let it out somewhere or I'll implode._

_They really overdo security. Just because someone in the ancient history of 2006 put something in their water bottle, they don't have to DRIVE US ALL CRAZY. Yes, there will be CAPS LOCK moments. I'm a fourteen-year-old boy who has had a very tough year at school thanks to FLYING CHAIRS. If they're Hufflepuffs, they can just FIND ANYTHING DANGEROUS THAT MIGHT BE IN THE BOTTLES. And Siriusly? They make you take off your shoes but not your WATCH? DID THESE GUYS EVER READ PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS: THE LAST OLYMPIAN? Watches are much more dangerous than shoes. Also, maybe back in the ancient history of the early 2000s, shoes might have HAD ENOUGH SPACE TO PUT SOMETHING IN THEM. NOW THEY DON'T. GET SOME BRAINS PEOPLE._

_I might not like security, but at least it makes sense. And dollars. HA HA U C WHAT I DID. But connection security? Siriusly? I am never flying through FRANKFURT AIRPORT AGAIN. EVER. Frankfurt, Germany, not Frankfort, Kentucky. Connection security makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. WHERE WERE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE GOTTEN ANYTHING THAT WOULDN'T MAKE IT PAST SECURITY. But then again, security people in Israel actually have some common sense, so they don't raise security about a BILLION LEVELS EVERY TIME SOMETHING HAPPENS. I think they might be either Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws. But I guess Israeli airport security is just not good enough for these Frankfurtians. They have security in the entrance for the TERMINAL, GATE AREA, ACTUAL GATES, AND EVEN THE __**TUBE THING CONNECTING THE AIRPORT AND THE PLANE.**__ After the security at the airport, I'm surprised there's no security at the entrance to Lufthansa aircrafts. I guess the Lufthansa people have a little more common sense than the Frankfurt Airport people. Possibly. *thinks about it while nomming a purple Mike and Ike. Yes, they exist* RANT OVER._

_GUESS WHO SAW THE WHITE HOUSE. AND THE CAPITOL. AND THE BUREAU OF PRINTING AND ENGRAVING. SIRIUSLY WHAT'S WITH THESE NAMES. AND THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. AND THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES. I am writing this paragraph from the hotel at Washington. And I only just managed to get Wi-Fi. The hotel says it's high speed, but if it was, it wouldn't have taken me THREE DAYS to connect to it. Sorry for not uploading right now, but my battery was very close to dying so I had to save and turn the laptop off. And I'll be in Pennsylvania until Thursday. So far, I know I'm going to go to Hershey's Park and the Amish I-don't-know-what-it's-called._

_WOW that was a riddikulusly wrong author's note. It took the whole page._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other book, film, or game in the series, _Diary of a Wimpy Kid_, _X-Men_,_ Call of Duty_, or iheartmwpp.

~And now for an entirely pointless addition that I made~

**Harry**: This is a private conversation. Also, last time I did a scene with a female ghost, it did not go well. *smashes camera and literally kicks it out of Hogwarts*

**Camera**: I NEVER SAW THE PRIVATE CONVERSATION!

~We apologize for the camera getting smashed by the main character. We are currently fixing it. Meanwhile, let's freeze the image of Harry staring blankly at the ghost who can suddenly turn into a Patronus and let the music do the transition!~

**Camera**: Where am I?

**20****th**** Century Fox Logo**: I AM AS MUCH MORE ANNOYING THAN THE WB LOGO AS EVER!

**75 years celebration logo**: *turns into a Diary of a Wimpy Kid-style drawing*

**Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book One**: I AM OPENING.

**Weird writing of this isn't Harry Potter, this should have been written by someone**: SEPTEMBER

**Rodrick's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOM!**: Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, pancake, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Zachary Gordon, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, -

**Greg's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOM!**: I can't hear you, I'm sleeping.

~Oops, wrong movie! Let's just turn the screen black now. Ah, there we go~

**Random helicopter flying above Hogwarts**: *drops camera*

**Camera**: WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! *opens parachute*

**Death Eaters**: We seem to have gotten rid of the creepy masks.

**Bellatrix**: I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THE DARK LORD!

**Pius**: I appear to have replaced Lucius as the Dark Lord's right-hand man.

**Voldemort**: They never learn. Someone yoneld knows is convinced I said that in the exact same tone as Magneto from an X-Men movie. Maybe we share an actor? I don't know, as yoneld has never seen that particular a pity.

**Pius**: I must have joined the Death Eaters out of my own free will, as I am expressing my opinions. An Imperiused person should not do that. But since when have the filmmakers actually stuck to canon? Also, shouldn't we wait?

**Voldemort**: *glare of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

**Creepy, veined shot of the back of Voldemort's head**: *is creepy and veined. And a shot of the back of Voldemort's head*

**Pius**: … Mummy…

**Voldemort**: *creepy smile* DESTROY! Even though I only had one Gryffindor and according to this version, _Stupefy_, when done by an elf, never means to kill. Only maim or Siriusly injure. He's still in St. Mungo's in a vegetative state. Now I have no Gryffindors left. How we FIND or DESTROY things is completely and utterly beyond me.

**Death Eaters**: What's with the _Stupefy_? As if that would do any harm! In the game version, we cast _Petrificus Totalus_, which is kind of a spell version of a sniper rifle. They pretty much took Call of Duty and turned the guns into spells.

**Force field**: Yeah no.

_**Stupefy**_** jets**: *implode*

~How did we see all of this? Aside from that random helicopter dropping the camera? Did Harry have a vision or something? That makes absolutely no sense or dollars, as Harry is still standing in the courtyard~

**Harry**: *starts running around the courtyard in a panic* AAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! THE SHINY IS IMPLODING!

_**Stupefy **_**jets**: We are still imploding.

**Grey Lady**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Can ghosts catch illnesses? Because you appear to have caught Umbridge-itis.

**Grey Lady**: Can you please get back to the topic of conversation? Because I _will_ turn into a Patronus and dance through you again. Don't try me, I'll do it.

**Harry**: Hey! That's what you want, too, isn't it, Helena?

**Grey Lady**: I just said that I do, dummy!

**Harry**: You misunderstand me. The other thing that you want!

**Grey Lady**: Imma turn away from you now. *turns away from him now*

**Harry**: Uh… *runs to a different side of the courtyard* This is urgent! Don't you want to DESTROY it, too, and you're just waiting for a Gryffindor or Hermione's eyebrows? And I am not at all mindful of your feelings, assuming ghosts have them.

**Grey Lady**: Someone else said he'll DESTROY it, but he didn't seem like a Gryffindor or Hermione's eyebrows. He was dressed in Muggle clothing, so I didn't know which house he was. It was fifty years ago. He was pretty weird, like his name. Also, MORE FANCY TALKING! Again, with me it's okay.

**Harry**: Well, moving on from the fancy talking, I'm automatically assuming it was Tom Riddle. My scar should be hurting, like it did in Film Four every time there was something slightly associated with Voldemort. CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Grey Lady**: He's a lying liar who lies. How I know that is completely and utterly beyond me. *audible gasp* I'M PSYCHIC! And I am speaking monotonously this whole scene. What is with ghosts and monotony?

**Harry**: I know, right? Voldemort should change his name to "Lying Liar Who Lies".

**Grey Lady**: *shockingly does not turn into a Patronus or dance through Harry this time, but does go very close to Harry's face*

**Harry**: This does not bode well.

**Grey Lady**: I KNOW THAT HE'S A LYING LIAR WHO LIES! I ALSO PSYCHICALLY KNOW WHO HE IS! HE TOTALLY DEFILED IT WITH DARK MAGIC AND STUFF! AND MY VOICE IS ECHOEY!

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT YOU.

**Grey Lady**: And now I'm going to sulk. That's how implosions work. *goes to sulk in the cloister*

**Harry**: *walks towards her* Are you okay?

**Grey Lady**: NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!

**yoneld**: This is pretty much the way my sister sulks. And my other sister (the one who turned one in the last chapter) is staring at me. I'm not sure why I told you this.

**Harry**: I DON'T CARE. Voldemort is a lying liar who lies and he was a Slytherin so he's not that good at DESTROYING things anyways. Now, I may not be Hermione's eyebrows, but I'm a Gryffindor, so I can DESTROY it. Once and for all. And personally, I don't know any seventeen-year-olds who speak like that. And don't tell me Dan was 21 when he did this film, because yoneld's uncle is the same age as Dan and he doesn't speak like that, either. Anyways, I need your help in FINDING it, even though we're not Hufflepuffs.

**Grey Lady**: Oh well, when combined, we can FIND it as well as one Hufflepuff can.

**Harry**:And with Hermione's eyebrows' DESTROYING skills, by the end of the night, it will be destroyed. And since you're psychic, you can tell me where the lying liar who lies hid it. *conspiratorial whisper* Can you tell me?

**Grey Lady**: I don't know…

**Harry**: Nobody will know, Helena.

**Grey Lady**: *turns around* Well…

**Harry**: Plz? *puppy dog eyes*

**Grey Lady**: D'aww, I can never resist those.

**yoneld**: I am Siriusly distracted by my baby sister blowing kisses at me.

**Soundtrack**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: … why is the soundtrack making Umbridge impersonations?

**Soundtrack**: Let me turn all sad and slow.

**Grey Lady**: *goes around Harry in circles* Given my psychic abilities, I shouldn't be so surprised that you remind me of the lying liar who lies because I should know you're a Horcrux. CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE! *walks away* Anyways, now my psychic abilities are back. Maybe you make some kind of interference. It's somewhere in the castle.

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AGAIN.

**Grey Lady**: Hey, guess what? I AM STARING BLANKLY TOO! Anyways, it's where Draco practically lived two films ago. And now for a riddle that is only necessary because of Riddle: If you need to ask, you'll never know. If you know, you need only ask.

**Harry**: I can solve riddles now? OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE I WANT A , I solved the riddle. K THX BYEZ. *runs off*

**Grey Lady**: Let me demonstrate my non-canonical abilities by turning into a Patronus again. *demonstrates her non-canonical abilities by turning into a Patronus again*

_A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, I really must go._

_Can anyone tell me what's with non-canon abilities the Grey Lady suddenly has?_

_**Review or Harry will smash you and literally kick you out of wherever you are to the wrong movie.**_


	4. Teh RON CAN NOW SPEAK JAPANESE

_A/N: Greetings from Pennsylvania! On Thursday, I'll be going back to Israel and on Sunday I'll watch the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie! OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED. But at this rate, if they keep combining movies, they'll catch up with the books. I mean, The Third Wheel comes out in November, and they're probably doing The Ugly Truth right now? If they're combining it with Cabin Fever and then combine The Third Wheel with Book Eight, whatever it's called, they'll catch up completely. Also, expect an update on Sunday. School starts on Monday, so I'll fix a weekly update day, and I'll try to be true to my word._

_Disclaimer__:_ I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _Phineas and Ferb_, the _James Potter_ series, _Diary of a Wimpy Kid_, or iheartmwpp.

~More musical transitions!~

_**Stupefy**_** jets**: We are still imploding!

**Random Ravenclaw siblings**: We have no idea what are we talking about!

**Harry**: This is a pointless shot of me running down Ravenclaw tower.

~This film is full of random, pointless shots… Hang on, I'm having trouble with the new PowerDVD controls, I've been streaming it on PutLocker until now… Ah, there we go~

**Kingsley**: Hey, I'm still in the movie!

**Dean**: Me too!

**Remus**: Me three!

**Kingsley**: Me four!

**Dean**: Me five!

**Remus**: Me six!

**Kingsley**: Me seven!

**Dean**: Me eight!

**Kingsley and Remus**: What did you eat?

**Dean**: OH I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR THAT!

**Kingsley**: Practical jokes are fun also a month after April Fools, when the film is supposed to be set, according to canon! But since Ron says in the beginning of the movie that Ginny hasn't seen him in six months and the wedding happened in August, I assume the film is set in March. And here I was thinking this film is true to the book. That just shows you how you shouldn't trust what people say. It happens everywhere, even in schools. They say it's safe, and you get flying chairs.

**Dean**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: I know, I know, I should stop the Umbridge impersonations.

**Dean**: Back to the plot?

**Kingsley**: Oh right! Tell the new riddikulusly OOC Headmistress that we'll hold off the Death Eaters from this side of the castle while the main character is searching for the Horcruxes and DESTROYS them in an attempt to defeat He-Who-Has-Gained-Possession-Of-One-Of-The-Titles-Of-The-Movie, who will most likely DESTROY him using said Title of the Movie.

**Dean**: Why am I pausing now? Did I have a brain freeze or something?

**Kingsley**: Stop brain-freezing!

**Dean**: Yes, sir.

**Kingsley**: Ooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiny…

**Slightly shiny and mostly pointless because we already know about the imploding **_**Stupefy**_** jets shot of the courtyard and bridge**: *is slightly shiny and mostly pointless because we already know about the imploding _Stupefy_ jets. And a shot of the courtyard and bridge*

**Kingsley's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: *loud whisper* Come back here!

**Dean's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Promise, Kingsley Shacklebolt, sir -

**Kingsley's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I don't promise, I solemnly swear that the Death Eaters are up to no good. Anyways, now that I'm thinking about it, we'll need a couple extra wands here.

**Dean**: Let me be a mindless sheep and obey your every word. Or maybe I think you're replacing Amycus Carrow, not that we know his first name or his teaching post in this version, as the Defense Against the Dark Arts, even though half the fanbase is convinced that someone in Dumbledore's Army is going to be teaching DADA. Not to mention that Book Seven says that you became Minister after He-Who-Has-Gotten-His-Soul-Split-In-Eight-Pieces-Thinking-It's-Only-Seven-And-Now-Only-Has-Five-Eighths-Of-His-Soul-Which-Is-Going-To-Change-Pretty-Soon-And-By-The-End-Of-The-Movie-He'll-Have-Only-One-Eighth-Which-Will-Leave-His-Body-FOREVAH! dies, and JKR specifically stated that you'll be the permanent Minister of Magic. Fun fact: guess what the initials of Minister/Ministry of Magic spell? Mom! HA HA HA.

**Kingsley**: That's not funny at all.

**Dean**: STOP BRINGING ME DOWN! *runs off crying*

**Fred**: Shouldn't we walk past him now?

**George**: Yes. Yes, we should.

**Remus**: I'm totally going to share a bit of my innate wisdom now! It is the quality of one's convictions that determine success, not the number of followers.

**Kingsley**: Are you quoting FDR again?

**Remus**: No, this is really me this time. *strained smile*

**Kingsley**: I'm not returning that smile. *does not return that smile*

**Tonks**: My hair would just not. Stick. To canon. What happened to the OOTP FINDING Tonks thing where Nat's hair was all spiky? Shouldn't they just have DYED HER HAIR PINK AND JUST LEAVE IT AS IT IS? They could've done that, but no. They had to make my hair long in Film Five, short but not spiky in Film Six, long again but brown in Film Seven, and now long with blond streaks.

**Remus**: Huh, that sounds awfully like my wife, who I specifically remember telling that she had to stay home and watch our newborn son which was never yet discussed in this movie.

**Tonks**: GLOMP! *glomps*

**Remus**: OH NO YOU DI'INT! What happened to mothers in the HP series?

**Tonks**: What about them?

**Remus**: Well, shouldn't they generally stay with their kids?

**Tonks**: No, you got that wrong. Mothers in the HP series should do whatever they need to do for their kids and make sacrifices if they need to. Which I do.

**Remus**: But Teddy's one -

**Movie watchers**: Who's Teddy?

**Book readers**: Words cannot describe how much we hate the filmmakers right now.

**yoneld**: Enormously?

**Book readers**: No.

**yoneld**: Humongously?

**Book readers**: No.

**yoneld**: Gigantically?

**Book readers**: No.

**yoneld**: Ginormously?

**Book readers**: WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE! If you don't FIND a good word right now -

**yoneld**: I got it! Ginomongously!

**Book readers**: What?

**yoneld**: Gigantically, enormously, and humongously combined!

**Book readers**: One word can describe how much we hate the filmmakers right now. We ginomongously hate the filmmakers.

**Tonks**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Umbridge made tons of laws that made life extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, potato, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, Chewy bars, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely -

**Tonks**: Are you done yet?

**yoneld**: Nearly. Extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely difficult for your HUSBAND, for the love of Merlin's outdated gigantic DOS computer that somehow still works!

**Merlin**: You should know that neither me nor my outdated gigantic DOS computer that somehow still works find it amusing.

**yoneld**: *ignores Merlin* Why are you imitating her?

**Tonks**: Well, if Teddy's one, that shouldn't be a problem -

**Remus**: - week old. He needs his mother.

**Tonks**: Oh. Right. I would guess he's at Mum's, because that's what the book says. That is, if canon actually applies for any unanswered questions in the film. Anyways, a grandmother should do just fine, and he'll sleep till dawn, if babies can even sleep that much without screaming or waking or the intervention of MAGIC, and snore like his father, which babies shouldn't do either. You big snorer, you. Anyways, hasn't JKR established that in this series, every strong group needs a female character?

~Leaving that question unanswered, we now move on to the balcony~

**Fred**: Pay close attention, this is the last time I speak in the whole series.

**yoneld**: OH GOD WHY.

**Fred**: Also, we shouldn't be in the balcony, Lavender should, I should be guarding the secret passages.

**George**: Yes. Yes, you should. Also, we are staring… OMINOUSLY!

**Fred**: While fingering our wands.

**George**: You okay?

**Fred**: Why wouldn't I be okay?

**George**: Maybe, Iunno, you DYING IN LESS THAN AN HOUR?

**Fred**: That does not bother me in the least bit.

**George**: *nudges and smiles* I am reassured.

~Meanwhile, many miles below…~

**Door to the Chamber of Secrets**: I have surprisingly not changed at all from Film Two.

**Ron**: Hiraku.

**Camera**: Imma cut to the door opening while Ron and Hermione stare. *cuts to the door opening while Ron and Hermione stare*

**Snake on the door**: I AM SLITHERING AROUND IN CIRCLES.

**Ron and Hermione**: WE ARE STARING.

**Ron**: Harry's been giving people Japanese lessons in his sleep. Have you noticed?

**Hermione's eyebrows**: No. No, we haven't. We must be better sleepers than you.

~And now to the first sign of destruction~

**Snatchers**: Burning things is fun!

**Quidditch pitch**: I NEVER SAW MULTIPLE GAMES PER FILM!

**Camera**: Let me zoom out over the Dark/Forbidden/whatever Forest to the bridge, where Neville is standing and someone is climbing on the supports. *zooms out over the Dark/Forbidden/whatever Forest to the bridge, where Neville is standing and someone is climbing on the supports*

**Seamus**: Ooooooooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiny… *puts safety pin in the shiny so that it fits the bridge*

**Editors**: We totally suck at editing!

**Green screen**: *is clearly visible*

**Studio floor**: *is also clearly visible*

**Weird thingies on studio ceiling**: *are also also clearly visible*

**Neville**: Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Devon Murray, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, rings, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, Seamus -

**Seamus**: WHAT DO YOU WANT.

**Neville**: Are you absolutely, completely, unequivocally, utterly, and without question sure that you know what you're doing?

**Seamus**: YEAH! I'M STICKING SAFETY PINS IN SHINIES SO THAT THEY FIT THE BRIDGE! *thumbs-up*

**Neville**: I'm going to return that, unlike Kingsley. *returns the thumbs-up, unlike Kingsley*

**VFX**: *are back*

**Green screen**: *spontaneously morphs into Stonehenge rip-off*

**Studio floor**: *spontaneously morphs into Stonehenge rip-off ground*

**Weird thingies on studio ceiling**: *spontaneously morph into night sky*

**Neville**: I am staring out the window… OMINOUSLY!

**Snatchers**: FOR FREE PIZZA FOREVER!

**Neville**: Hang on, let me go closer and see what's going on. *goes closer and sees what's going on*

**Snatchers #3,847-5, #8,274-3, and #8,472-5**: WE NEVER SAW CAPE TOWN!

**Neville**: I AM BLINDED!

**Scabior**: STAY BACK! D'YOU WANT TO GO THE SAME WAY AS SNATCHERS #3,847-5, #8,274-3, AND #8,472-5?

**Snatchers**: … mummy…

**Neville**: Oh, yeah? You and whose army? *makes monkey noises*

**Scabior**: You are so lucky you can hide behind your mommy.

_A/N: Really… tired… *falls asleep on laptop*_

_**Review or your surroundings will be replaced by a green screen, a studio floor, and weird thingies on the studio ceiling because of sloppy editing.**_


	5. Teh VOLDY'S MAGIC BATTERING RAM OF DOOM!

_A/N: They Siriusly drove us crazy with check-in at Newark. There was a whole made-up problem with my one-year-old sister which has NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I'm just realizing that in every airport we were in this summer, except for Washington Dulles, something went not exactly as planned. At Ben Gurion airport, which is the main airport for Israel, the conveyor belt at check-in decided to break down for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. Then, at Frankfurt, there was this whole overblown security issue. When we finally arrived at SFO, we were held up in Customs and Immigration because of our Philippine babysitter who is not an American citizen, and then it took FOREVER for our luggage to arrive, not to mention that they lost the car seat and stroller for my baby sister. We spent about a month in the Bay Area, which was fine, but then when we went to Washington from SFO, the flight was delayed by FOREVER. And now the check-in at Newark. Also, we had to run across the whole Terminal C to buy watches for my sisters. And then we had yet another security checkpoint (because all the uncool people are doing it. Includes no common sense, extreme paranoia, and me being extremely irritated) because we were going to Israel. Sigh._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _A Very Potter Sequel_, _Phineas and Ferb_, or iheartmwpp.

~Why didn't they call this _Harry Potter and the Musical Transitions_?~

**Sheldon**: HEY I'm all skeleton-ey.

**Ron**: Eurgh. Hang on, let me pick out a fang. *picks out a fang*

**Hermione**: LOOK AT ME. It's not as though I had enough screentime in these versions.

**Ron**: That's nice.

**Hermione**: I AM FIDDLING WITH MY BAG.

**Ron**: That's nice.

**Hermione**: I am now taking out something which turns out to be the stolen Horcrux.

**Ron**: That's nice. *walks towards her*

**Hermione**: DESTROY IT!

**Ron**: That's nice. *gives her Sheldon's fang*

**Hermione**: I can't do it. I have to give you my Worried FaceTM.

**Ron**: That's nice.

**Hermione**: Will you stop it?

**Ron**: Of course you can DESTROY it! At least, your eyebrows can.

**Hermione's eyebrows**: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz…

**Ron**: ... nevermind.

**Ron and Hermione**: *go to the front of the chamber and sit down*

**Ron**: *looks straight at Hermione* EWWWWWWW!

**Hermione**: WHO DISRESPECTING HERMIONE.

**Ron**: I was talking about the Horcrux.

**Hermione**: … right, I knew that.

**Ron**: DESTROY it!

**Hermione's eyebrows**: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzz…

~We are experiencing technical difficulties. The camera insists upon showing random shots of the main character~

**Harry**: I AM SHOULDERING MY WAY THROUGH THE STUDENTS ONTO THE STAIRCASE. ALL OF THIS WHILE STARING BLANKLY.

**Random student #87**: Ow, that was my foot, Harry!

~Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaay~

**Ron**: I still look adorkable.

**Hermione**: Eyebrows or not, I will destroy it!

**Cup**: IIE! SASU WATASHI O SHINAIDE KUDASAI!

**Hermione**: Stab.

**Cup**: WATASHI WA AIOWA O MITA KOTO GA NAI!

**yoneld**: I never saw Iowa either. Actually, I might have seen it from above. Possibly.

~Hello, Ron here. "Ron and Hermione" will be right back.~

**Voldemort**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

~Now, back to "Ron and Hermione"~

**Ron and Hermione**: WE ARE STARING HORRIFIEDLY AT THE RISING WATER. THERE IS NOTHING MORE HORRIFYING THAN WATER.

~The camera that is stalking Ron and Hermione is malfunctioning~

**Harry**: OW!

**Wall**: OW!

~Ah, there we go~

**Hermione**: *surfs the tidal wave, creates nanobots, and locates Frankenstein's brain*

**Ron**: It's over here! *points to the exit*

**Hermione**: *finds a dodo bird, paints a continent, and drives her nonexistent sister insane*

**Hermione's nonexistent sister**: Hermione!

**Water**: SHOWERS!

**Ron and Hermione**: WE ARE SOAKED AND THEREFORE COMPLETELY SHOCKED AS IF WE'VE NEVER BEEN IN WATER OUR WHOLE LIVES.

~_As you can see/There's a whole lot of stuff to do/Before school starts this fall/So stick with us/Cause Phineas and Ferb are/Gonna do it all_~

**Voldemort**: Ow. Ow. OW!

~Constant reversion~

**Harry**: I should NOT have that crick in the neck from three films ago.

**yoneld**: *rubs neck that had been hurting for the past two days because of Hershey Park's awesome rollercoasters* Stop doing that.

~Back to Ron and Hermione… weird, I don't remember the book going back and forth between the characters except maybe Harry and Voldy~

**Ron**: WE ARE SAVED!

**Hermione**: Well, if you're not gonna do it now, you might never do it, since we might be KILLED INSTANTLY tonight?

**Ron**: Do what?

**Hermione**: You are such an idiot.

**Ron**: And you love me for it. *waggles eyebrows*

**Hermione**: O. M. G. That is, like, totally hot.

**Ron and Hermione**: WE ARE SNOGGING PASSIONATELY.

**Book readers**: No. No. No! WE DEMAND HARRY'S INTERRUPTION!

**Ron and Hermione**: *finally emerge*

**Ron**: That was so cool, let's do it again!

**Hermione**: Not now, the main character is waiting for us!

**Ron and Hermione**: THAT WAS AWESOME!

**Hermione**: JINX! You owe me a soda.

**Ron**: M'kay. *pops to the nearest convenience store and gets her some Sprite*

~And now to Voldy and his minions~

**Voldemort**: Let me take out my anger on this conveniently placed force field! *takes out his anger on conveniently placed force field*

**McGonagall**: I appear to be bored.

**Ginny**: This does not bode well.

**Force field**: I NEVER SAW ALASKA!

**Bellatrix**: O. M. G. That was, like, totally hot.

**Voldemort**: I cannot feel love.

**Bellatrix**: Curses, foiled again.

**Title of the Movie**: I can barely contain my laughter.

**Voldemort**: This does not bode well.

**Title of the Movie**: I AM CRACKING UP!

**Harry**: *runs to the nearest staircase*

~Now, for the moment we've all been waiting for…~

**Bridge**: Kill. Me. Now.

**Neville**: This does not bode well.

**Burned force field piece**: *burns up Scabior's wand*

**Scabior**: I guess you can't have everything in life, but if that was a piece of the force field that killed these three Snatchers, that means that… THE FORCE FIELD IS DOWN! THERE'S PIZZA IN HOGWARTS!

**Snatchers**: PIZZA!

**Neville**: _DESTROYus Bridgeum!_

**Shinies**: *implode*

**Bridge**: I NEVER SAW ANTARCTICA!

**Scabior**: I appear to have gotten a new wand.

**Snatcher #2,847-5**: Yeah, I couldn't prevent the fall because you TOOK MY WAND!

**Scabior**: I NEVER SAW ROME!

**Ginny**: NEVILLE! NOOOOOOOO!

**Neville**: I NEVER SAW - oh wait, I'm alive. I'M ALIVE!

**Neville's wand**: Hang in there, guys! Neville's coming.

**Neville**: That went superbly.

_A/N: My laptop is really low on battery, and I can't get my charger out of the overhead compartment because my parents are both sleeping. Sorry._

_**Review or your eyebrows will fall asleep just when you most need them.**_


	6. Teh NOES SOMEONE'S COAT IMPLODED!

_A/N: Home, sweet home! Even though school just started. So yeah, I'm back in Israel. I didn't watch DOAWK, even though I was planning to. It probably didn't come out yet in Israel. But then, how come the movie I am currently parodying came out in Israel a WHOLE WEEK BEFORE IT CAME OUT IN THE STATES? I are confuzzled. Maybe it's because that was a British movie, and Israel is closer to Britain, so it was released in Israel before the States, and DOAWK is an American movie, so it'll take some time. But it was released almost a FULL MONTH AGO, HOW LONG COULD IT TAKE TO SHIP A MOVIE OVERSEAS AND THEN FOR SOMEONE TO PUT SUBTITLES AND/OR DUB IT._

_School is back, and for some reason, I'm enjoying it. Is that even legal? I guess on the first day it is. *ponders the meaning of his existence while nomming some pretzels*_

_300 views already, I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS!_

_This chapter is dedicated to my sister and friendly-friend, in honor of their respective tenth and fourteenth birthdays._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _Phineas and Ferb_, _A Very Potter Sequel_, _Artemis Fowl_, or iheartmwpp.

~Actual transitions are being used again!~

**Camera**: I AM A DEATH EATER!

**Giants**: WIJ WILLEN DET KASTEEL TE VERNIETIGEN EN IEDEREEN IN HET TE ETEN. BOVENDIEN, VRAAG ONS NIET WAAROM WE SPREKEN VAN NEDERLANDS. HET WAS HELEMAAL YONELD IDEE.

**yoneld**: Yes, it was my idea, but I have no idea where did it come from.

**Camera**: … and now I am no longer a Death Eater.

**Statues**: OH NO YOU DON'T! *lock shields*

**Flitwick**: … Mummy… *runs for his life*

**Giant #1**: JE ZAL NIET WEGKOMEN, KOBOLD JONGEN!

**Flitwick**: Part-goblin I may be, but NOBODY CALLS ME BOY! _Evilropeum OfDOOOOOOOOOM!us!_

**Evil ropes of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: DIE, GIANT!

**Giant #1**: IK HEB NOG NOOIT VAN NEDERLAND!

**Giant #2**: DAT WAS MIJN BESTESTE VRIENDELIJKE-VRIEND! JE BETAALT VOOR DEZE, JONGEN!

**Flitwick**: … Mummy…

**Giant #2**: STERVEN, JONGEN!

**Flitwick**: *runs for his life* MY NAME IS NOT STEVEN!

**Giant #3**: STERVEN, DOMME STANDBEELDEN!

**Giant #4**: WIJ ZIJN RAZENDE OVER DE BRUG!

**Giant #1**: Ziet, ik ben gevallen. Oh, de verschrikkigen van de oorlog!

**Evil Smoky Death Eaters of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: We are evil of DOOOOOOOOOOOM! and smoky. And Death Eaters. Also, we are sending killing curses at the statues.

**Statues**: Yeah no. _Oh, you may not think we're shiny/But don't judge on what you see/We'll eat ourselves if you can find/More awesome knight than us/You can keep your plinths marble/Your coins shiny and small/For we're the Hogwarts statues/And we can top them all/There's nothing lurking outside the castle/That we can't beat/So try us out and you will see/How awesome we can be/So try us out! You sure can/Don't get in a fright/You're in safe hands (though ours are full)/For we are Protecting Knights!_

**Evil Smoky Death Eaters of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: WE NEVER SAW BRAZIL!

**Courtyard**: *implodes*

**McGonagall**: GET IN! THERE'S NO WAY THE REST OF THE BUILDING WILL IMPLODE TOO! TAKE COVER SO THAT NO SPELLS THAT GOT IN THROUGH ANY OPEN AND/OR SHATTERED WINDOWS WILL HIT YOU! AND JUST IN CASE YOU CAN'T SEE THROUGH THE IMPLOSIONS AND/OR FORGOT HOW TO GET INSIDE EVEN THOUGH ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A TOTAL OF AT LEAST SIX MONTHS, THE ENTRANCE IS OVER HERE!

**Camera**: I AM NOW FOLLOWING THE ONLY SURVIVING EVIL SMOKY DEATH EATER OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!

**Only surviving evil smoky Death Eater of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I AM BLOWING UP THE BUILDING!

**McGonagall**: HOW DARE YOU!

**Only surviving evil Death Eater of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I am no longer smoky. Also, _Avada Kedavra_!

**Whoever was just hit**: I NEVER SAW ANDORRA!

**yoneld**: Please don't be Fred, please don't be Fred…

**Death Eater whose serial number can now be revealed as #8,437-5**: I am no longer the only surviving Death Eater. DIE, WHOEVER IT IS ON THE OTHER CATWALK!

**Arthur**: Yeah no.

**Death Eater #8,437-5**: What… this was not supposed to happen! Is my wand a twin of Weasley's or something?

**Arthur**: Dude, this is the movie. Now, spells always do that when they collide, instead of imploding and then going off course. Also, one of yoneld's friendly-friends is convinced that I'm Remus.

**Death Eater #4,785-4**: 'Sup, guys?

**Kingsley**: DIE! *shoots spell*

**Window**: NO NOT THE DEATH EATER! *is smashed into pieces by Kingsley's spell*

**Kingsley**: Such a pity. DIE! *shoots spell again*

**Spell**: WHEE! *hits Death Eater in the forehead, giving him a fez-shaped scar and then backfires to Kingsley*

**Death Eater #4,785-4**: I AM NOW A HORCRUX OF SHACKLEBOLT!

**Kingsley**: That just hurt a little. Lucky it was _Stupefy_! Let me throw this Time Turner at the window and the Death Eater. *throws this Time Turner at the window and Death Eater*

**Time Turner**: Let me reverse what just happened. *reverses what just happened*

**Window**: I'M ALIVE! But that doesn't reverse the Horcrux-ification.

**Death Eater #4,785-4, otherwise known as KS Horcrux #1**: I NEVER SAW MOSCOW!

**Kingsley**: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Shackles. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Bolts. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Kings. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

~What is with the musical transitions? Why can't they do actual transitions!~

**Harry**: I AM RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS, PRESUMABLY TO FIND THE DIADEM. But then, why am I going down instead of up? Isn't the Room of Requirement on the seventh floor? CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Students**: *scream*

**Harry**: WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE?

**Death Eater #4,958-2**: I AM ACTUALLY NOT KILLING ANYONE OR TRYING TO GET POTTER!

**Harry**: DIE, DEATH EATER! _STUPEFY_!

**Death Eater #4,958-2**: I NEVER SAW INDIANA!

**Harry**: What - But Harry Potter never meant to kill! Harry Potter only meant to… maim, or… Siriusly injure!

**Random student #26**: NO NOT THE COAT!

**Random student #27**: WELL, GET IT ON!

**yoneld**: I somehow managed to make it look like Random Student #93 is crying when I paused.

**Harry**: I sound completely out of breath by just killing someone!

**Ginny**: You did WHAT?

**Harry**: Nothing! You okay, baby?

**Neville**: GET AWAY FROM ME!

**Harry**: I meant Ginny. You okay, matey?

**Ginny**: So I'm back to just being your friendly-friend again? _Bat-Bogey Hex_!

**Bat Bogeys**: WHEE! *nose-dive Harry*

**Harry**: I meant Neville!

**Ginny and Neville**: WE'RE OKAY!

**Neville**: JINX! You owe me a soda.

**Ginny**: Sorry, the Hogwarts convenience store just imploded.

**Neville**: Curse you, Ginny the Girlfriend. Anyways, I FEEL LIKE A DRAGON!

**Harry**: … is he okay?

**Ginny**: Yeah, he's just earned his awesomeness.

**Neville**: NO NOT THE EGG!

**Harry**: Or he was hit hard on the head.

**Neville**: I'VE GOT RASPBERRY JUICE ON MY FACE!

**Harry**: You might want to get that looked at.

**Neville**: It's beautiful, isn't it? *dreamy smile* The moon.

**Harry**: OH GOD NOT THAT AGAIN.

**Neville**: I can't stop thinking about her, Harry.

**Harry**: SNAP OUT OF IT!

**Neville**: But I don't think she knows I exist.

**Harry**: She was standing right next to you, like, two films ago!

**Neville**: *are confuzzled* Who are you talking about?

**Harry**: Who are _you_ talking about?

**Neville**: *dreamy smile* The moon, of course. The good love of the moon.

**Harry**: What? The moon isn't female!

**Neville**: In Latin, Spanish, and Italian she is! She's also a very beautiful girl.

**Harry**: I don't speak any of these languages.

**Neville**: … with all these yellow-dyed brown curls? And those big blue eyes?

**Harry**: You mean Luna?

**Neville**: OF COURSE I MEAN LUNA! I'M MAD ON HER!

**Harry**: I believe the correct preposition to use here would be _at_. Why are you mad at Luna? What has she ever done to you?

**Neville**: Hello? British film, as yoneld has stated in his riddikulusly long opening author's note?

**Harry**: … right, I knew that.

**Neville**: Yeah, right.

**Harry**: WHO DISRESPECTING HARRY.

**Neville**: I'd better tell her about it. You heard He-Who-Thought-He-Was-_Mesmerizing_-Us-But-Really-Wasn't-Because-Opal-Still-Didn't-Find-A-Way-To-Do-It-And-Now-She's-Dead-So-She-Can't-Find-One-Anyways. Before the night is out, he will kill both of US, do you understand?

**Harry**: *looks away*

**Neville**: *slaps him* Look at me.

**Harry**: *looks at him* You appear to have caught my pessimistic thinking and my understanding of Voldemort. Also, IT'S JUST A SUMMER FLING, FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN'S OLD KEROSENE LAMP!

**Neville**: Stop bringing me down! *runs off crying*

**Harry**: Look, love -

**Ginny**: YOU DO NOT OWN ME. IT EVEN SAYS SO IN THE DISCLAIMER TO THE FANFIC YOU WROTE ON .NET ABOUT YOU AND ME.

**Said fanfic**: _Disclaimer_: I do not own Ginny or anybody else. I don't even own -

**Ginny**: OKAY! Here, you don't own me. I DO WHAT I WANT!

**Harry**: YOUNG LADY, YOU'RE SIXTEEN!

**Ginny**: So?

**Book readers**: We truly hate the filmmakers right now.

**Stairs**: WE AGREE! *implode*

**Harry**: Oh right, that was never covered in this version. Okay, bye!

**Ginny**: Harry, wait!

**Harry**: Not now, Ginny!

**Ginny**: I need to speak to you!

**Harry**: I'm a bit preoccupied at the moment!

**Ginny**: Harry!

**Harry**: Later!

**Ginny**: HARRY POTTER! YOU LISTEN TO ME IMMEDIATELY.

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT YOU.

**Ginny**: O. M. G. That is, like, totally hot.

**Harry and Ginny**: WE ARE NOT SNOGGING AS PASSIONATELY AS RON AND HERMIONE.

**Harry**: Ginny, I -

**Ginny**: I know, I know, you love me. Now GO!

**Harry**: But Ginny, I -

**Ginny**: Don't you have something to FIND?

**yoneld**: No, he has something to DESTROY, hopefully with the help of Hermione's eyebrows. I'm the one who has something to FIND, as I'm the Hufflepuff. But you're going to have to wait until tomorrow, so why don't you see if iheartmwpp is available?

**Harry**: Ginny! I need a Twizzler disguised as a RED VINE!

**Ginny**: YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE! LUNA GAVE YOU A WHOLE BUNCH OF THEM!

**Harry**: K THX BYEZ.

**Ginny**: *runs up the stairs*

**Harry**: *runs down the stairs.

**yoneld**: I are confuzzled. Why is he going down? Is he trying to find Ron and Hermione? That makes no sense or dollars.

_A/N: Giant translation:_

**Giants**: WE WILL DESTROY THIS CASTLE AND EAT EVERYONE IN IT. ALSO, DON'T ASK US WHY WE'RE SPEAKING IN DUTCH. IT WAS TOTALLY YONELD'S IDEA.

**Giant #1**: YOU WON'T GET AWAY, GOBLIN BOY!

**Giant #1**: I NEVER SAW THE NETHERLANDS!

**Giant #2**: THAT WAS MY BESTEST FRIENDLY-FRIEND! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THAT, BOY!

**Giant #2**: DIE, BOY!

**Giant #3**: DIE, STUPID STATUES!

**Giant #4**: WE ARE RAMPAGING ACROSS THE BRIDGE!

**Giant #1**: Behold, I am fallen. Oh, the horrors of war!

_Like I said, I have no idea where the Dutch came from, especially since the giants are supposed to live in Russia. Anyways, I gotta go. It's, like, 10:15PM in Israel, and I have to wake up at six._

_**Review or whoever Death Eater #8,437-5 killed will turn out to be your favorite character.**_


	7. Teh RANDOM SHOTS OF RANDOMNESS

_A/N: I know I said I'll only be able to update once a week, but since I don't have a lot of homework, I can probably update every day except maybe Saturday. I'm Orthodox Jewish, so I can't use any electricity on the Sabbath (which is sunset Friday through about half an hour sunset Saturday), but I might be able to update on Saturday nights, especially in the winter._

_Now, I may have said that I don't have a lot of homework, but even the little I have is TOO MUCH. I have like forty problems with exponents for Math, a prayer for success in school for Literature, and two questions about the Book of Samuel for Tanakh (the Hebrew name for the Hebrew Bible). And I had to do all of them before writing this. I just do not get the purpose of homework. They let us out only at 3:45, and my ride only arrives at 4:15 due to the inefficiency of Israeli school transportation, so I only get home at 4:45. If they're going to keep us there until four, they should make us practice everything BEFORE WE GO HOME. After we get home, especially if it's at 4:45, NONE OF US WANT TO DO ANY SCHOOLWORK._

_Speaking of rides to school, now my ride has been rescheduled fifteen minutes earlier because of something that is COMPLETELY BEYOND MY CONTROL. THE VAN BROKE DOWN, SO HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO PREVENT THAT? Maybe if the van had to wait FOREVER until we got on or there was traffic or something, I would understand. But they did take traffic into account in the original schedule, and everyone was on the van EXACTLY ON TIME, SO WHY ARE WE BEING BLAMED FOR SOMETHING WE DIDN'T DO, FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN'S LEFT ARMPIT? GET SOME COMMON SENSE OR VOICEDEMORT WILL _MESMERIZE_ YOU, THE GREY LADY WILL TURN INTO A PATRONUS AND DANCE THROUGH YOU TO HEDWIG'S THEME, HARRY WILL SMASH YOU AND LITERALLY KICK YOU OUT OF WHEREVER YOU ARE TO THE WRONG MOVIE, YOUR SURROUNDINGS WILL BE REPLACED BY A GREEN SCREEN, A STUDIO FLOOR, AND WEIRD THINGIES ON A STUDIO CEILING DUE TO SLOPPY EDITING, YOUR EYEBROWS WILL FALL ASLEEP ON YOU WHEN YOU MOST NEED THEM, AND WHOEVER DEATH EATER #8,437-5 KILLED WILL TURN OUT TO BE YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER._

_There's a poll on my account. Vote or all the threats listed above will happen to you. Any of them sound familiar?_

_But Siriusly, guys, if I catch you not voting on my poll... I'LL RIP YOUR PERKY LITTLE EYEBROWS OFF! No, really. Review or I will never write any fics after this or update any of my other fics other than this. I just don't have the heart to stop updating this._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2/_book _Harry Potter and the Deathly __Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _Phineas and Ferb, _or iheartmwpp._  
_

~I have no idea where that is supposed to go~

**Filch**: I look like an elf. Sleep tight, guys!

**Pansy**: Without beds?

**Filch**: Get over yourself, you Pansy.

**Pansy**: MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS, YOU FILTHY SQUIB.

**Filch**: LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

**Pansy**: CURSE YOU, FILCH THE CARETAKER!

**Filch**: I'm going out with a creepy smile. It's not like the dungeons will implode or anything!

**Dungeons**: *implode or anything*

**Filch**: NO NOT THE BELOVED CASTLE!

**Students**: *trample Filch*

**Filch**: *is flattened* Is that a Gryffindor I just saw?

**Random student #35**: I should be in Slytherin. Good morning, Agent AFC. The evil filmmakers are up to their old tricks. For reasons completely unknown, they've purchased a new computer and printer and a whole bunch of paper and ink. Your mission is to find out why, and if necessary, put a stop to it.

**Filch**: *gets up, salutes, and leaves via jet pack*

**Goyle and Blaise**: Let us GET AWAY FROM HERE! *try to GET AWAY FROM HERE*

**Draco**: *apparates right between them* Yeah no.

**Book readers**: *look straight at filmmakers* Filmmakers, your services are no longer required.

**Filmmakers**: *bring up their giant evil ax of DOOOOOOOOOOM! and cut a pumpkin with it*

**Movie watchers**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Blaise**: WHOA BAD TOUCH.

**Draco**: I am not in a good mood today, so SHADDUP AND OBEY MY EVERY WORD.

**Blaise**: Look, it's not my fault Crabbe got in trouble with the Muggle authorities!

**Draco**: I NEED A NEW MINION.

**Blaise**: M'kay. *SHADDUPS AND OBEYS HIS EVERY WORD*

**Draco**: THIS WAY!

~Pay close attention, this is the last back-and-forth thing dude guy place*

**Ceiling**: I NEVER SAW JOHANNESBURG!

**Windows**: I NEVER SAW LONDON!

**Harry**: RUNNING FOR MY LIFE!

**Waze**: Implosions done. Also, you have reached your destination.

**yoneld**: Waze is an Israeli GPS app thing dude guy place which somehow knows about all traffic that happenes anywhere in Israel and you don't have to find an alternative to avoid traffic - when it originally calculates the route, it purposely does so to avoid traffic.

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT THE WALL.

**Completely pointless shot of Harry's back**: *is completely pointless. And a shot of Harry's back*

**Harry**: Okay. No need to get mad at a door pretending to be a brick wall. Close your eyes... take a deep breath... count to ten...

~SECOND TO LAST RANDOM, POINTLESS SHOT, EVERYONE!~

**Ron**: I told you we should've used Waze. M&M is just too messy.

**Hermione**: M&Ms? Where?

**Ron**: No, that's the trademark of the GPS you're using.

**Hermione**: He's over here!

**Ron**: *finds a dodo bird, paints a continent, and drives his sister insane*

**Ginny**: RONALD!

**Hermione**: He just disappeared!

**Ron**: He could've Apparated, due to the COMPLETE LACK OF CONTINUITY?

**Hermone**: No, he hasn't come across that glitch yet.

**Ron**: But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, Rupert Grint, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but -

**Hermione**: OMG SHUT UP.

**Ron**: But you said M&M has a glitch! It doesn't know about the existence of the Room of Requirement! You said so last year in a deleted scene!

**People who haven't watched the deleted scenes from Film Six**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**People who have watched them**: No, she really did say so in Film Six. In a deleted scene.

**Malfoy**: Ah, I remember last year when I was giving exposition to this wall while the audience overheard me...

**Blaise**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: YOU DIDN'T EVEN EXIST UNTIL BOOK/FILM SIX/GAME EIGHT EXCEPT FOR THAT CAMEO IN BOOK ONE! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT UMBRIDGE IN THIS VERSION?

**Malfoy**: Oh right... Come on! Goyle, replace Crabbe, as he has gotten in trouble with the Muggle authorities! Blaise, replace Goyle!

**Blaise**: How did we just Apparate there?**  
**

**Goyle**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Malfoy**: BRISK WALKING! Didn't McGonagall cover that in first year?

_A/N: It is Siriusly late. I HAVE TO SLEEP!_

_**Review or you will have to replace one of your classmate's minions who got in trouble with the Muggle authorities.**  
_


	8. Teh ROOM OF REQUIREMENT AGAIN

_A/N: This is the third day in a row that I'm enjoying school. WHAT IS THIS MAGIC. I'm telling you, there's something not natural about my school._

_I'm sorry for the author's note not being riddikulusly long, but there was nothing really significant today._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _Artemis Fowl_, _Phineas and Ferb_, _Diary of a Wimpy Kid_, or iheartmwpp.

~Now we're back to only Harry's POV for a while~

**Harry**: Looks like I finally FOUND that Apparating glitch!

**yoneld**: We won't be forgetting who actually FOUND it, I hope, Mr. Potter?

**Harry**: How _dare_ you speak to me like that in my own MOVIE!

**yoneld**: THIS IS MY PARODY. I DO WHAT I WANT.

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY. Also, I no longer have a scar. WHAT IS THIS MAGIC.

**Camera**: *Apparates over to a certain Snitch* Ooooooooooooooooooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ny…

**Harry**: Hello? Right here!

**Camera**: *looks up*

**Harry**: *walks in to the suspenseful music*

**Said suspenseful music**: FORESHADOWIIIIIIIING!

**Waze**: Turn left.

**Harry**: *turns left*

**yoneld**: Hey, a similarity between Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter!

**Parody readers**: Ahem.

**yoneld**: *looks up from _Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian_* Oh, this? This is just a random, pointless montage of Harry walking and staring in shock. *goes back to book* Huh, Artemis used the clone to do something that was coded to Opal's DNA… that was smart!

**Waze**: Turn - *battery dies*

**Harry**: WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO TURN?

**Camera**: I should totally go to the back of his head! That would be much more interesting than his face!

**Audience**: Bo-ring!

**Harry**: *breathes heavily* The Horcrux in me is so excited that it's making it hard to breathe.

**Camera**: Up, down, right, left…

**Pixie**: *exists*

**Anyone who has played Games One, Two, Three, or Seven**: *wet themselves in terror*

**Harry**: I need to shave.

**yoneld**: Duh! You're Harry!

**Diadem**: Nakama ga Hookurakkusu wareware ga kanjiru koto desu ka?

**Harry**: *slowly turns around*

**Audience**: GET ON WITH IT!

**Harry**: *slowly walks towards it*

~Five hours later~

**Harry**: I have finally reached the Diadem!

**Diadem**: *is in a box covered with ropes*

**Globe**: Wasn't I here in Film Six?

**Harry**: *removes ropes*

**Book readers**: This. Is. Not. Canon! It was supposed to be on an ugly bust with a wig! Wait… IT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME NEXT TO THE GLOBE? WE HATE YOU FILMMAKERS, WE TRULY DO.

**Box and kerosene lamp**: *are uncovered*

**Audience**: Why are we still here?

**yoneld**: Because you can't wait to see how I make fun of this and then steal my lines.

**Camera**: Imma zoom in on Harry's face now. *zooms in on Harry's face now*

**Harry**: Let me open this box offscreen. *opens this box offscreen*

**Diadem**: Masaka. Watashi tachi no masutaa wa, ningen ga Hookurakkusu tsukuru koto o doonika shite? KARE WA KANZEN NI TENSAI DESU!

**Harry**: *tries to grab Diadem with chopsticks*

**Soundtrack**: I AM SUSPENSEFUL AND MYSTERIOUS.

**Draco**: CLIIIIIIIIIIIIMAX!

**Harry**: *turns around quickly*

**Audience**: FINALLY!

**Draco**: Whatcha doing?

**Harry**: _Whatcha_ doing?

**Draco**: GIVE ME MY STUFF.

**Harry**: I'm one of the only characters who DON'T wear rings.

**Draco**: MY OTHER STUFF.

**Harry**: My house has been willed to me by its rightful owner.

**Draco**: NO NOT THAT STUFF.

**Harry**: What's wrong with that one?

**Draco**: It makes everything at a two-foot radius a Mystery Spot, like in Santa Cruz.

**Harry**: That would tend be a problem. But why is it malfunctioning?

**Draco**: It's my mom's. She's blood type AB+ and I'm O-, so it won't accept me. It's powerful, but it can only communicate with these AB+ types. Know what I mean?

**Harry**: I don't get you.

**Draco**: Nothing, really, just that IT DOESN'T WORK!

**Harry**: Why didn't you tell her?

**Draco**: I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Besides, she'd put me in the solitary confinement of my room if I did.

**Harry**: Not your mom! Your aunt!

**Draco**: She married a Mudblood. I don't speak to her.

**Harry**: Your other aunt!

**Draco**: She would lock me in the cellar if I so much as breathed without permission.

**Harry**: Then how are you alive?

**Draco**: MAGIC!

**Harry**: WOW that's harsh. Next to that, my uncle abusing me my whole childhood and beating me up for SIMPLY EXISTING is nothing!

**Draco**: LYING LIAR WHO LIES!

**Harry**: Whatever. I was talking about when I came over for spring break. You totally recognized me!

**Draco**: I DON'T WANT MY CLASSMATE TO DIE! I WANT TO STARE BLANKLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

**Harry**: We share that particular interest.

**Goyle**: Whatcha waiting for, wimp? You the man!

**Draco**: Easy, Goyle. Let's… not kill him right now.

**Hermione**: I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO A DEUS EX MACHINA! _EXPELLIARMUS_!

**Narcissa's wand**: I NEVER SAW PARAGUAY!

**Goyle**: DIE, FILTHY MUDBLOOD!

**Hermione**: MISSED! _STUPEFY_!

**Spell**: I don't know why you even bother. He's too stupid to be Stupefied. Let me hit the Diadem *hits the Diadem*

**Hermione and the Slytherins… interesting band name**: *run off*

**Ron**: NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

**Harry**: I am now throwing furniture.

**yoneld**: *runs out of the room*

**Soundtrack**: GRINGOTTS!

**Hermione**: *is back* I am also throwing furniture.

**Harry**: GET OUT OF MY WAY, STUPID PIXIES! *throws a pixie*

**Pixie**: I NEVER SAW CORNWALL!

**Stupid pixies**: *get out of his way*

**Harry**: It's there!

**Hermione's eyebrows**: *reach into the armchair* Got it!

**Harry**: Wonderful.

**Harry and Hermione**: WHEEEEEEE!

**Hermione**: *lands on her feet*

**Harry**: *falls on his head and cracks his skull*

**Hermione**: Oh, for the love of Merlin's stereotyping employer. _Skullus reparo_!

**Harry's skull**: *mends*

**Harry**: *massages his head* Thanks. How did you do that?

**Hermione**: MAGIC? Duh!

**Harry**: I mean landing on your feet.

**Hermione**: Crookshanks taught me!

**Harry**: I need a cat.

**yoneld's friendly-friend's cat**: Mrrow?

**Ron**: *runs in* RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**Harry and Hermione**: *RUN FOR THEIR LIVES*

**Goyle**: *sets the place on fire*

**Book readers**: Sigh…

**Draco**: GET OUT OF HERE! *pulls Blaise by his shirt*

**Goyle**: *GETS OUT OF HERE*

**Ron and Hermione**: We appear to have ditched Harry.

**Harry**: WHERE ARE MY FRIENDLY-FRIENDS WHEN I NEED THEM.

**Reunited Trio of WE WILL NEVER SEPARATE AGAIN!**: WE ARE SURROUNDED BY FIRE!

**Harry**: WATER SPELL!

**Fire**: I NEVER SAW ITALY!

**Ron**: *stumbles into a Deus Ex Machina*

**Deus Ex Machina-s**: WE ARE BROOMS.

**Ron**: UP!

**Broom**: *thwacks him in the face*

**Harry**: *laughs*

**Ron**: Shut up.

**Hermione**: UP!

**Broom**: YOU FAIL.

**Harry**: UP!

**Broom**: YAY A COMPETENT BROOM RIDER!

**People who have watched this movie too many times**: Da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, DA-DA-DA-DA-DA!

**Draco**: UP THERE!

**Slytherin Trio of One Of Us Is About To Die**: *climb on table*

**Pixies**: Yeah no.

**Goyle**: I NEVER SAW ATHENS!

**Draco**: NO NOT THE MINION!

**Ron**: THIS WAY! *has a genuine terrified expression*

**Harry**: *looks at Slytherin Duo of One Member Short*

**Table**: *falls*

**Draco and Blaise**: HEEEEEEEEEEELP!

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT THEM! WE MUST SAVE THEM!

**Ron**: HE'S NOT SIRIUS, IS HE?

**Hermione**: NO! NO, HE'S NOT! HE JUST HAS A SAVING-PEOPLE-THING!

**Harry**: Hold on! Take my hand!

**Draco**: I CAN'T! YOUR HAND'S ALL SWEATY!

**Harry**: *goes back*

**Ron**: IF WE DIE FROM YOUR SAVING-PEOPLE-THING, I'LL KILL YOU!

**Harry**: *takes Draco*

**Ron**: *takes Blaise*

**Harry**: I AM PLAYING QUIDDITCH.

**Fire**: HELLO?

**Harry**: BLUDGER! *dodges*

**Hermione**: _PARTIS TEMPORUS_!

**Completely Dry Trio of We Should Stop This**: *crash-land*

**Draco**: Please exit to your left. *runs off crying for his minion*

**Blaise**: I hope you enjoyed 400° Fahrenheit! *runs off crying for whoever is going to be Draco's new minion*

**Harry**: I AM ALWAYS CRAWLING BACKWARDS!

**Diadem**: KASAIDE WARAI ARIMASEN!

**Hermione**: Take this! *throws Sheldon's fang*

**Harry**: Stab.

**Diadem**: WATASHI WA TOOKYOO O MITA KOTO GA NAI!

**Harry**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Wall**: IKR.

**Ron**: DIE! *kicks Diadem into Fire*

**Triple fiery Voldemort heads**: *are triple and fiery. And Voldemort heads*

**Doors**: WE ARE CLOSING.

_**Review or you will be BURNT ALIVE!**_


	9. Teh HORRIBLE DEATHS OF HORROR

_A/N: Sorry for not updating for the last three days. I had ABSOLUTELY NO TIME. My cousin is moving to my neighborhood with a few friends and they threw a big party, so we all came. There's this thing in Israel called Sherut Leumi. I believe that translates into National Services. Basically, when a girl finishes high school, she has to go work in a school or something like that. Not teach, just be a teacher's assistant or something. I don't know about the States, but in Israel you have to have a degree in whatever you're teaching and then do a teaching course. It's complicated. I'm not sure if I want to be a teacher later. Meh, I got plenty of time to think about it. I'm only fourteen, and in Israel, life starts at around 22 or 23 for guys. The Orthodox Jews go to a Yeshiva (a school for Jewish law studies) for a couple of years, then serve in the army for one year (I'm planning on intelligence), and then back to Yeshiva for a year. Most guys travel in some far, exotic place for a few months after that. ANYWAYS! I might have been able to update after the party, but then my sister wanted piano lessons from me, and my baby sister started climbing up the stairs (not sure if that's good or bad), and a whole bunch of other stuff. This kind of thing happens a lot when you have three younger sisters. Friday afternoons are always stressful in a Jewish Orthodox household, and ours is no exception (there's a whole lot of stuff to do before the Sabbath starts), and then Sabbath only ends at like 8:30PM. YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO WRITE THIS THING? Sigh…_

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2/_book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film, book, or game in the series, _The Kane Chronicles_, _Artemis Fowl_, _Phineas and Ferb_, _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_, or iheartmwpp.

~Five down, two to go~

**yoneld (watching the movie for the first time)**: Please don't stick to canon, please don't stick to canon…

**Book readers**: HELP! OUR SUBSTITUTE PARODY WRITER HAS GONE OVER TO THE MOVIE WATCHERS!

**yoneld**: IDIOTS! DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT PART IN THE BOOK THIS IS?

**Book readers**: … You freak me out sometimes.

**yoneld**: THIS IS THE PART WHERE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER DIES!

**Book readers**: … Your favorite character is Crabbe? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

**yoneld**: NO YOU IDIOTS! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS FRED! HE'S GOING TO DIE JUST ABOUT NOW IF THEY STICK TO CANON!

**Book readers**: … Right, we knew that.

**yoneld**: *thwacks them in the head with his hardcover edition of Book Five*

**Book readers**: *see floating zebras* Weasels are sick.

**Harry**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: On your head be it. *waves his hardcover edition of Book Five*

**Harry**: THE LACK OF CONTINUITY PHYSICALLY PAINS ME!

**Nagini**: WATASHI WA IWANOUE NI IMASU!

**Voldemort**: I DON'T CARE! I AM WOUNDED DUE TO THE LACK OF CONTINUITY!

**Harry**: Am I mimicking Voldemort now?

**Parody readers**: Lying liar who lies.

**yoneld**: What?

**Parody readers**: You said there would only be Harry stuff from now on.

**yoneld**: Well, Voldemort is fine, Harry's seeing it through his scar.

**Voldemort**: O. M. G. This is not happening. No way.

**Harry**: I appear to be crying.

**Soundtrack**: Why am I all sad and stuff?

**Voldemort**: I forgot what part of me did that Horcrux turn snakey. The face? The arm?

**Soundtrack**: That's more like it!

**Pius**: I'm still in the movie! You okay, My Lord?

**Voldemort**: NO! YOU ARE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY MADE OF THICKNESSE AND YOU SHOULD DIE!

**Pius**: I NEVER SAW CHILE!

**Voldemort**: Don't get me wrong. I'm not upset over killing this tool, just over a seventh of my soul DYING! I need to keep the last two sevenths safe.

**Nagini**: Naze watashi ga totsuzen Eigo o hanasu koto ha dekimasu ka? Vuorudemooto wa, eiga no bootoo de Paaserutangu o hanasu hitsuyoo wa arimasen deshita? KEIZOKU! KONO SHIRIIZU WA DORE O MOTTE IMASEN!

**Harry**: Voldemort just killed an innocent man. OH GOD WHY! WHY! *cries his eyes out*

**Soundtrack**: I am sad again.

**Ron and Hermione**: WE ARE STARING AT YOU.

**Harry**: Fine, I'll say it. It's the snake. Happy?

**Ron and Hermione**: Not much.

**Harry**: She's the last one. *points towards the forest*

**Hermione**: WHAT - I AM NOT A HORCRUX!

**Harry**: GET OUT OF THE WAY!IT'S THE LAST HORCRUX!

**Hermione**: So now Nagini has gone from being a "she" to being an "it".

**Harry**: Yep, pretty much.

**Hermione**: I AM STARING BLANKLY.

**Ron's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Look inside him. He's an encyclopedia.

**Camera**: Hi, Hermione! Stealing everyone's lines as usual?

**Hermione**: No, Ron's stealing _my_ lines.

**Camera**: Wait, what?

**Ron's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Hey, camera! Over here!

**Camera**: Hi, Ron!

**Ron**: Hi. Anyways, Harry, you need to find out where he is, even though it's only March and you're not allowed to find out anything until, like, June. But we manage to FIND him, even though we're not Hufflepuffs, then we can FIND the snake.

**yoneld**: Why don't you leave the FINDING to me.

**Ron**: *ignores yoneld* And then we can end this! Voldy will go moldy!

**Hedwig's theme**: He sure is right about that.

**Hermione**: I HAVE MY WORRIED FACE.

**Harry**: *cricks neck*

**yoneld**: Stop reminding me. *cricks his still aching neck* Whoa, that is _not _supposed to make that sound.

**Random, pointless montages of boathouse stuff**: We are random and pointless. And montages of boathouse stuff.

**Hedwig's theme**: SAVE ME! *runs out*

**Harry**: You're going to have to pay me extra for this. JSYK.

**Nagini**: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, kookootaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaru…

**Lucius**: This is disturbing. Also, I need to shave.

**Voldemort**: NOES I'M SHEDDING!

**Lucius' creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: My Lord. Please don't kill me for this, but MORE FANCY TALKING!

**Voldemort**: What are you implying?

**Lucius**: I am implying that I'm giving you tactical advice. Just seek him yourself. *nervous smile*

**yoneld**: We interrupt this parody for some breaking news. My baby sister is adoragably failing at saying my name, and has resorted to calling me Duh-duh (which sounds a bit like the end of my name). Now, back to _Yet Another Harry Potter Movie Parody: The BoH_.

**Voldemort**: I DON'T PLAY QUIDDITCH!

**Lucius**: Okay. FIND him yourself.

**yoneld**: How DARE you compare this monster to a Hufflepuff?

**Lucius**: FINE! LOOK FOR HIM!

**Harry**: This does not bode well…

**Voldemort!**: I DON'T NEED TO LOOK FOR HIM! HE DOESN'T TALK FANCY ENOUGH TO *turns around* EVADE ME! Do you understand me, you poor dimwitted creature?

**Lucius**: Maybe.

**Voldemort**: *Apparates* CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE! Also, SLAP!

**yoneld**: *yawn* Why am I reminded of my old classmates?

**Voldemort**: I are confuzzled. WHY DO YOU LIVE?

**Lucius**: BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING WORTH LIVING FOR.

**Voldemort**: O RLY?

**Lucius**: YAH RLY.

**Voldemort**: I are still confuzzled. In my confuzzled state, I forgot that you are not a Hufflepuff and therefore are not very good at FINDING things, so FIND Severus.

**yoneld**: Why don't you leave the FINDING to me?

**Voldemort**: BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO! *eye twitch* Now I'm MAD! Bring Severus to me… _or else_.

**Harry**: OH MY GOD THIS IS SO HORRIFYING HOW WILL I EVER RECOVER FROM THIS.

**Ron**: OH MY GOD YOU SHOULD TOTALLY TELL ME WHAT YOU JUST SAW.

**Hermione**: NO HE SHOULDN'T! *eyebrow twitch* Just tell us where he is because I've got my Worried Face on.

**Harry**: I am still horrified, but I know where he is.

**Ron**: Where?

~Are the filmmakers just automatically assuming that everyone has played Games Five or Six? How are the non-Game Five or Six players supposed to know where he is until they're actually there? Or is this some kind of commercial for Games Five and Six? WHAT KIND OF COMMERCIAL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, BUY THE GAME? I are confuzzled~

**Giant Clock of When The Heck Did They Get A Giant Clock**: I NEVER SAW PORTUGAL!

**Random Window**: NEITHER DID I!

**Entrance Hall ceiling and parts of the courtyard**: WE MAY BE IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE CASTLE, BUT WE ARE AS DESTROYED AS THE REST OF YOU!

**yoneld**: *furiously sketches outer shots of the castle for SketchUp model*

**Oliver**: I'M STILL IN THE MOVIES!

**Evil smoky Death Eater of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I WANT TO MAKE THINGS IMPLODE TOO!

**Oliver**: Yeah no.

**Evil smoky Death Eater of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I NEVER SAW THAILAND!

**Soundtrack**: COURTYARD APOCALYPSE!

**Apocalypse**: I prefer the term "Armageddon".

**Giant #2**: HET IS ARMAGEDDON!

**Giant #3**: HET MAKEN VAN ARMAGEDDON IS LEUK!

**Giant #4**: Ik weet niet of deze dwergen eens, hoewel…

**Bes and Mulch**: Hey!

**Giant #4**: Sorry, _verticaal uitgedaagt_.

**Bes**: I'm not vertically challenged! I'm a dwarf!

**Sliding Trio of THIS IS THE MOST AWESOMEST RIDE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER EVAH**: Ignoring Armageddon for a while…

**Armageddon**: Hey!

**Death Eater #9,284-4**: I NEVER SAW SYDNEY!

**Death Eater #5,926-8**: YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!

**Harry**: THAT WASN'T US!

**Minor force field**: Yeah no.

**Death Eater #9,375-5**: IT'S POTTER!

**Doors**: I hope you kill that guy, Potter, because that hurt.

**Harry**: *blocks Ron and Hermione* Since when am I so good with nonverbal spells?

**Death Eater #9,726-9**: I NEVER SAW HONOLULU!

**Sneaky Trio of HAH! YOU MISSED**: Hi, Armageddon!

**Armageddon**: Hi guys! I brought a giant!

**HOLY COW Trio of HEY, A CONVENIENT FALLEN PILLAR**: COOL! LET'S RUN FOR OUR LIVES AND HIDE BEHIND THE CONVENIENT FALLEN PILLAR! *RUN FOR THEIR LIVES AND HIDE BEHIND THE CONVENIENT FALLEN PILLAR*

**Giant #4**: Je bent niet leuk.

**Whew Trio of WHOA GIANT SPIDER**: WHOA GIANT SPIDER.

**Acromantulas #925-87 to #2,847-5**: Remember me?

**Hermione**: No, I wasn't there actually -

**Harry and Ron**: OMG SHUT UP. YOU'RE GIVING AWAY OUR POSITION.

**Greyback**: OM NOM NOM.

**Hermione's eyebrows**: Whatcha eatin'?

**Greyback**: *moves aside*

**Lavender**: Oh. My. God. I, like, totally have a, like, fatal wound. OMG, like, how will I ever, like, get it out of my, like, shirt? Blood is, like, so one-nanosecond-ago.

**Hermione's eyebrows**: SHE IS MINE. YOU HEAR ME? I STILL OWE HER FOR MAKING OUT WITH RON IN FILM SIX!

**Greyback**: That's nice. OM NOM NOM.

**Lavender**: I NEVER SAW MALAWI!

**Hermione's eyebrows**: DIE!

**Greyback**: I HAVE'NT MANAGED TO GO TO THE AFRICAN SAVANNA!

**yoneld**: You'll see why I'm doing this. Or at least, those who have watched _Phineas and Ferb: Candace Disconnected_ will.

**Greyback's phone**: African savanna located.

**Greyback**: *is teleported to the African savanna* Huh, that's handy.

**Rumbleroar**: RUMBLEROAR!

**Greyback**: Shoot.

**Rumbleroar**: OM NOM NOM.

**Greyback**: I NEVER SAW HAWAII!

**Book readers**: STOP KILLING PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE!

**yoneld**: As long as they're not killing anyone good who is supposed to die or George, I'm cool.

**Book readers**: Traitor.

**Horrified Trio of NO NOT OUR FELLOW GRYFFINDOR**: *step over said fellow Gryffindor's dead body*

**Lavender**: People stepping over you is so one-septillionth-of-a-yoctosecond-ago.

**yoneld**: So _septillionth_ is a word and _yoctosecond_ isn't? Does not compute, does not compute…

**Giant #4**: YAY ZE ZIJN TERUG! *smashes cloister*

**Fed Up Trio of WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH**: Yeah no. And yoneld, kindly stop all-caps the second describing phrase.

**yoneld**: I DON'T WANNA.

**Death Eater #3,096-2**: I NEVER SAW CHINA!

**Dementors #1-1 to #9,999-99**: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai.

**Harry**: NO WE CAN'T CONJURE A PATRONUS WE HAVE JUST SEEN TWO CLASSMATES DIE.

**Aberforth**: What is with main characters or people that are related to them being Deus Ex Machina-s?

**Patronus**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Dementors #1-1 to #9,999-99**: THE LIGHT! IT BURNS! IT BURNS US! IT FREEZES!

**Book readers**: THAT DOES NOT LOOK REMOTELY LIKE A GOAT. THIS IS THE LOWEST POINT IN PAGE-SCREEN TRANSLATION. HOW MUCH WORSE CAN IT GET?

**Percy Jackson and the Olympians Film One**: *comes out*

**Book readers**: WE HAVE SPOKEN TOO SOON.

**Ungrateful Trio of You Just Saved Our Lives, SO WHAT**: *leave*

**Game Five and Six players**: Huh, I don't remember this exterior walkway being here.

**Stairs**: *have miraculously not been destroyed*

**Athletic Trio of Don't They Ever Get Tired Of Running**: *are still running down the stairs*

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I don't get it. You're so powerful that no wand can possibly fail you. In fact, you're so powerful that I bet you could even turn Pluto back into a planet if you -

**Voldemort**: OKAY that's enough. You don't need to build my ego, Severus; it's already at its peak. But this Title of the Movie _vexes_ me.

**Snape**: What? Couldn't be! Ollivander said -

**Voldemort**: Ollivander also said that a different wand would kill him, but HE WAS WRONG!

**Snape**: I see. But it's the MOST POWERFULEST WAND IN THE WORLD! How could it possibly fail you? This one will kill him. I'm sure. It answers only to you.

**Voldemort**: Does it? *creepy smile*

**Harry**: *hums a lullaby*

**Snape**: Sure! Let me show you. Title of the Movie?

**Title of the Movie**: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

**Snape**: Now you try.

**Harry**: *stops humming*

**Voldemort**: Title of the Movie?

**Title of the Movie**: *does not respond*

**Voldemort**: Does it truly answer to me?

**Snape**: I don't follow you.

**Voldemort**: You're smart, man. You're so smart, you managed to fool Dumbledore. But that works against you. The Title of the Movie belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Dumbledore.

**Snape**: Oh no, I got the death sentence!

**Voldemort**: While you live, the Title of the Movie cannot truly be mine.

**Soundtrack**: He's gonna die, isn't he.

**Voldemort**: Yep.

**Soundtrack**: SAD FACE.

**Voldemort**: You were good, but not that good. You own the Title of the Movie. Therefore, you must die.

**Concerned parents**: So this is the main villain of a children's series? He kills the man he thinks is his best servant just over a weapon?

**yoneld**: Pretty much, yeah. Nice guy, huh?

**Concerned parents**: Why are our kids here again?

**yoneld**: You drove them here.

**Concerned parents**: Touché.

**Snape**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: DON'T WASTE THESE LAST MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT, YOU IDIOT!

**Snape**: NO! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

**Voldemort**: CUT! *cuts*

**Snape**: OW IN THE NECK. AND I CAN NO LONGER STAND. *crashes into the wall*

**Harry**: That's gotta hurt.

**Voldemort**: *whistles* CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Nagini**: OM NOM NOM.

**Harry**: What a horrible way to go.

**Nagini**: *thwacks Snape on the floor in a cartoonish way*

**Voldemort**: OKAY that's enough.

**Nagini**: *spits Snape out*

**Voldemort and Nagini**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE! *Apparate*

**Book readers**: Definitely not the Shrieking Shack.

**Traumatized Trio of This Is Much More Horrifying Than Cannibalism**: *walk in* Watching the guy we absolutely abhor die from blood loss is much more horrifying than seeing one classmate being BURNT ALIVE and another classmate/friendly-friend being cannibalized.

**Snape**: I look like a vampire.

**Harry**: No, don't die, don't die…

**Snape**: Take these tears. *solitary tear drops down face*

**Harry**: Get me a bucket and put some onions next to his eyes.

**Hermione**: *gets Harry a bucket and puts some onions next to Snape's eyes*

**Snape**: OH GOD WHY. *bawls his eyes into the bucket*

**Hermione**: Okay, okay! *throws onions into water*

**Snape**: Take them to the Pensieve.

**Harry**: M'kay.

**Snape**: *whispering* Look at me.

**Harry**: *looks at him*

**Snape**: I got my dying wish with your mum's eyes. *dies*

**Hermione and movie watchers**: Wait… he was good?

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: OH GOD WHY - oh wait, JKR kind of made it obvious with that one in the book, too. Never mind.

**Ron**: I can't hear you, I'm severely traumatized.

_A/N: I'm sorry for partially using the LEGO game version. I just can't parody this part, it's so sad. That way, you get some funny before it's sad. Watching this part always makes me so sad. And this chapter is eleven pages long. I hope that makes up for the other ones._

_**Review or Rumbleroar will eat you.**_


	10. Teh OH GOD WHY IS EVERYONE DEAD

_A/N: Hi! I don't think I can update every day. My after-school activities have just started, so I get home every day at around 7:30 (which in the States is, to use the TV showtimes, is pretty much 12:30/11:30c) so yeah… you probably won't wake up to a new chapter, but you'll probably come back from school/college/work/whatever else you do for the day, to a new chapter. Sigh…_

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2/_book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film/book/game in the series, _Artemis Fowl_, _Phineas and Ferb_, _A Very Potter Musical_, _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_, or iheartmwpp.

~Sorry, no clever transition here. I just cut in the middle of a scene~

**Weird light thingy**: Am I supposed to be some kind of visual representation of Voicedemort? Because I specifically remember the Great Hall becoming all dark when he got there.

**Voicedemort**: Huh, huh, maybe that's just my natural color, color, and the night is just darker, darker, than me. Me. Therefore, therefore, the night must die. Die.

**Harry**: Huh, maybe I should collapse now…

**Snape**: Over my dead body.

**Harry**: That does it. *collapses over Snape's dead body*I AM IN EXTREME AGONY! OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.

**Hermione**: I HAVE A HEADACHE! LOUD NOISES ARE BAD FOR YOUR TEETH!

**Ron**: What?

**Hermione**: NO SIRIUSLY! READ _ARTEMIS FOWL: THE ETERNITY CODE_!

**Ron**: NO HURT HERMY! *rushes off to kill Voicedemort*

**Voicedemort**: *singsong voice* It's not going to wo-ork! Wo-ork! Wo-ork! Cookie! Wo-ork!

**Ron**: Your echo is broken.

**Doofenshmirtz and Buford**: Yeah, I've been there.

**Harry**: EVERYONE SHUT UP!

**Doofenshmirtz and Buford**: How dare you be on his side -

**Harry**: I'M TRYING TO LISTEN!

**Doofenshmirtz and Buford**: CURSE YOU, HARRY THE HORCRUX!

**Voicedemort**: Ahem. Ahem.

**yoneld**: What? I'm trying to put in at least one Umbridge-impersonation-less chapter!

**Voicedemort**: People of Hogwarts. Hogwarts. My Death Eaters have ruined the castle, castle, and pretty much everyone you love, love, is dead. Dead.

**Female Death Eater #9,824-7**: _Expelliarmus_!

**George (I assume)**: NO NOT THE WAND.

**yoneld (watching the movie for the first time)**: YAY HE'S ALIVE! HE'S JUST BEEN DISARMED!

**Filmmakers**: Yay, it worked! We successfully tricked the audience into hoping Fred is still alive, thereby crushing their hopes!

**yoneld (watching the movie for the second/fifth/four hundred and ninety seventh time)**: OH GOD WHY.

**Molly**: Tell me about it.

**Voicedemort**: Continue to resist me, resist me, and you will all be killed, killed, one, one, by, by, one, one. But! But! There need not be war, war, between us! Us! You've all fought so valiantly, valiantly, and I'm willing to give you positions in my new world order, order, as my slaves. Slaves. Give up now, now, and be forgiven, forgiven. I command my Death Eaters to stand down. Down.

**Death Eaters**: You're no fun.

**Voicedemort**: Now! Now! Harry Potter! Potter!

**People in the courtyard**: Uh… aren't you done talking to us?

**Annoyed Trio of This Noise Is Super Annoying**: Yes. Yes, he is. He's just trying to torture you with this.

**Voicedemort**: I speak directly to you. You.

**Harry**: Go on, I'm listening.

**Voicedemort**: If you do not wish for those closest to you to suffer, suffer, and die, die, on your behalf, behalf -

**Ron**: I appear to have realized that one of my family members has died.

**Hermione**: Either I did, too, or it's just my usual worried face.

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY!

**Voicedemort**: You will come face me yourself. Yourself. I will be waiting for you, for you, in the Dark/Forbidden/whatever Forest for one hour. Hour. If, by the end of that hour, hour, you have not _come_ to face me, face me -

**yoneld**: What's with the inflection?

**Voicedemort**: *ignores yoneld* Have not turned yourself in, in, the battle recommences, recommences. This time, Potter, Potter, I shall enter the fray myself, myself, and I will FIND you. FIND you.

**yoneld**: Two things: One: More fancy talking. Two: Leave. The. FINDING. To. Me!

**Voicedemort**: And I will murder every last man, man -

**Ron and Harry**: GASP!

**Voicedemort**: Woman, woman -

**Hermione**: GASP!

**Voicedemort**: And child, child -

**Gasping Trio of This Is Just Not Happening**: GASP!

**Voicedemort**: Who has tried to conceal you from me. From me. Voicedemort out. Out.

**Hogwarts**: I am still burning.

**Stairs**: We're not.

~We now return you to the courtyard~

**Camera**: What is with the transitions? In the first two films, there was Hedwig flying out, changing the weather, and flying back into wherever the trio is, and then in Film Three, Whompy changed the weather and there were creepy voiceovers of DOOOOOOOM!, and in Film Four, I just zoom out of wherever the last scene was and fly around the castle to wherever the next scenes is, Films Five-Seven have no transitions, so now I'm just plopped into the general vicinity of the next scene and they expect me to just FIND the trio on my own while the music does the actual transition?

**Staring Trio of What The Devil Is Going On Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere **: Apparently so.

**Hermione**: Where is everybody? This courtyard was full a few minutes ago!

**Harry**: They must have gotten in while we were going up the stairs.

**Doors**: WE ARE OPENING!

**Dark stains on the floor which may or may not be blood**: We are dark, on the floor, and may or may not be blood. And stains.

**Horrified Trio of What Has Happened Here**: *slowly go in*

**Hermione's eyebrows**: WORRIED FACE!

**Ron**: OH GOD WHY.

**Harry**: Now it's actually the time to be staring blankly.

**Random students #79 and #81**: IKR.

**Random student #80**: HEY I'm dead.

**yoneld**: I just paused the movie and made Slughorn look disgusted beyond belief.

**Filch**: How did I even get hurt? I'm a Squib, I can't fight! CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Slughorn**: Hai Harry!

**Filch**: OW! Watch it, man!

**Harry**: It's all my fault.

**Random Ravenclaw siblings**: We appear to have both survived so far.

**Sprout's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOM!**: Oh, come on. You'll be back on your feet in no time!

**Trelawney**: NO SHE'S DEAD!

**Random professor**: I'M NOT LAVENDER! But I was Trelawney's bestest friendly-friend.

**Padma**: I'm sorry, Professor.

**Ron**: NO NOT FRED! NOOO! *breaks down into tears. There's nothing wrong with tears, and that just shows that Ron is human. I'd be worried if he didn't cry. Shedding a few tears about something like that didn't make you any less of a man*

**George**: RON! YOU'RE STILL ALIVE! GLOMP! *glomps*

**Ron**: Yes. Yes, I am.

**Molly**: Thank goodness.

**Ron**: Can I cry now?

**Fred**: Over my dead body.

**Ron**: That does it. *cries now*

**Soundtrack**: OH GOD WHY IS EVERYONE DEAD.

**yoneld**: *sob* I know, right?

**Book readers**: It was bad enough in the book, and the film made it sadder!

**Hermione**: WORRIED FACE!

**Remus and Tonks**: *died holding hands*

**yoneld**: *is starting to tear up while typing* Yes, I'll admit it. I am tearing up. What do you expect? This is one of the saddest scenes in the history of sadness and all three of these people were pretty high on my favorite character list (Fred was first place). Also, Remus and Tonks died holding hands. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE SADDER THAN THAT? Other than Snape dying staring into Lily's eyes.

**Harry**: *breaks down into tears* This is all my fault. OH GOD WHY.

**McGonagall**: There, there.

**Harry**: *sniff* Where, where? *leaves*

_A/N: You try to parody the Great Hall scene. Or watch it without breaking down into tears. Especially with Remus, Tonks, and Snape. Oh well, at least I quoted AVPM for Voicedemort. *sniff*_

_Speaking of death, I just finished _The Hunger Games. _WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE CAPITOL. SENDING TWENTY-THREE SMALL CHILDREN TO THEIR DEATHS. Rue's death was the saddest, no doubt. But the Katniss/Peeta/Gale love triangle was a bit confusing._

_**Review or your favorite character will die.**_


	11. Teh YAY BACKSTORY EXCEPT NOT REALLY

_A/N: Hey guys! yoneld here with the update. And Microsoft Word, please stop auto-capsing my username. It's really annoying. So! Sadness until Harry "dies". Should be fun. But at least there's AVPM to make things funnier. Also, getting bitten by wasps is not cool, according to my cousin. I was by my aunt and uncle for the weekend, and one of us stepped on a wasp hive. So yeah, my cousin got bitten five times, my other cousin (who is much smaller and weighs much less than the one who got bitten five times) luckily got bitten only once, and luckily because the wasps were all over his clothes, and so did my uncle's mom (who is not my grandmother). My uncle's dad (who is not my grandfather), my uncle, my aunt, my other three cousins, and me got away scotch-free. Also, my dust mite allergy is acting up. IT IS ANNOYING, but not as bad as nut allergies, chocolate allergies, and cheese allergies. I know someone who has all three, and the allergies rule out my three favorite foods: pizza, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and Toblerone. She can't even eat white Toblerone because of the nuts. HOW DOES SHE SURVIVE._

_Disclaimer__:_ I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film/book/game in the series, _Phineas and Ferb, A Very Potter Musical, Rifftrax, _the _James Potter_ series, _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_, _Phineas and Ferb_, my baby sister, or iheartmwpp.

~CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!~

**Harry**: Yeah, I just Apparated. I FOUND the glitch long ago.

**yoneld**: *glare of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

**Harry**: I DON'T CARE. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. So, memories I got from Snape using onions…

**Closet**: I AM OPENING.

**Audience**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Pensieve**: _Or doesn't it?_

**Harry**: *takes out Frisbee thing from Film Six out of stone bowl thingy*

**Audience**: Great! Why don't you fix the rest of the continuity flaws now?

**Harry**: I DON'T WANNA.

**Pensieve**: Memories extracted by onions here.

**Harry**: Cool. *pour memories and puts his face in them*

**Random black blob**: WE'RE STILL DOING THE FILM SIX VERSIONS OF MEMORIES!

**Lily and Petunia**: WE ARE DEATH EATERS!

**Harry**: … Mum was a Death Eater?

**Lily**: No, the filmmakers are insisting on showing memories like that.

**Grass**: I AM SLOWLY FORMING.

**Random floating flower**: I AM OPENING. Also, I am shockingly not a lily.

**Lily**: My eyes are brown!

**Book readers**: Why is Ginny in the flashback?

**Movie watchers**: What?

**Book readers**: No, Siriusly, this fits Ginny's book description perfectly!

**Movie watchers**: Don't be stupid, it's Lily -

**Book readers**: But her eyes are brown!

**Movie watchers**: So?

**Book readers**: Harry has his mother's eyes, remember?

**Movie watchers**: Yeah, and Harry's eyes are decidedly not brown and this doesn't look like blue to us. CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Book readers**: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE WE WANT A SANDWICH.

**Petunia**: How did you do that? That's not natural! Nor is a whole bunch of people complaining about your eyes being brown! When I'm telling Mum, you're so busted!

**Snape**: *glare of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

**Petunia**: MUMMY!

**People who have watched too many **_**Phineas and Ferb**_** episodes**: Doo, doo, do-doo, doo, doo, do-doo, do-doo, doo…

**Snape**: I'm not dressed as oddly as in the book, but still pretty oddly. I mean, Siriusly? A suit and jeans?

**Lily**: I don't care.

**Snape**: Here, catch. *blows leaf*

**Lily**: *smiles*

**Audience**: D'aww, this is so heartwarming and sad at the same time because they're both gonna die. Also, the films showing backstory? OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE WE WANT A SANDWICH.

**yoneld**: I couldn't help but smile at Lily and Snape's interaction. It really is heartwarming.

**Whompy**: So that's where I came from and why I let Snape through in Film Three!

~Now to a different tree by a river that is not Whompy but to an equally heartwarming scene~

**Snape**: She's not completely over the whole equal rights movement that started a few years ago in the States; she needs someone that she can be freely prejudiced against.

**Lily**: That's horrible, Severus.

**Snape**: *concentrated face*

**Eucalyptus leaves**: *morph into birds and spell out Lily's name*

**Lily**: *laughs*

~And now to Hogwarts. At least this part has actual transitions~

**yoneld**: They cut out the King's Cross and the train memories. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE I WANT A SANDWICH.

**Sorty**: GRYFFINDOR!

**Lily**: *smiles*

**McGonagall**: Yay!

**Random professor #1**: Yeah, I'm the one who died earlier this film.

**Random professor #2**: Did I teach Divination before Trelawney?

**Random professor #3**: I may or may not be Dumbledore.

**Snape**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT YOU.

**Lily**: Hey, random fellow Gryffindor! My name is Lily.

**James**: Like the flower.

**Lily**: Yep!

**James**: Hi. I'm James.

**Lily**: Nice to meet you. And shouldn't your hair be black and shouldn't you be wearing glasses?

**James**: What?

**Lily**: I'm Sirius.

**Sirius**: No, I am!

**Snape**: I hate that guy. I _hate_ him.

~Now to another memory~

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: You're just like your father.

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Why thank you at this point.

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Lazy-

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Oh yeah, studying how to become an Animagus for three years straight and managing it _when he was in his fifth year_, and _still _passing his OWLs with flying colors by the sound of it, definitely qualifies as lazy. And I'm sure that creating a map requires no legwork or surveying of the area whatsoever, let alone making a map of a _magic school_ where _stuff shifts around all the time_. Yeah, that must have taken practically no effort whatsoever.

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Weak-

**Rifftrax**: An exquisite tap dancer-

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Again with the Animagus thing. And didn't Hagrid mention something about Voldemort -

**James**: *knocks over Snape's books. Oh yeah, what an original prank*

**Sirius**: Hee hee, I look like a girl.

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: DO NOT SPEAK THE DARK LORD'S NAME!

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!: **And here I thought you were the bravest man I ever knew. But I could've sworn that _Voldemort_ wanted to recruit both of my parents at one point, and he wouldn't have done so if they were weak, would he?

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!:** Wormtail.

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!:** There's an exception to every rule.

**Lily**: That wasn't very nice. *helps Snape pick up his books* Why don't you put them in a bag?

**Snape**: I DON'T WANNA.

**yoneld**: Oh my God, that's an smaller, black-haired version of me!

**Snape's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!:**Aaaaaand your father was also arrogant.

**Harry's creepy voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: MY FATHER WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!

~And now for a whole bunch of memories, some of which don't even belong to Snape. I blame the onions~

**Lily and James**: WE ARE SNOGGING PASSIONATELY.

**Trelawney**: Blood of pretty much everyone you love shall be spilt, and servant and master will be reunited once more…

**Book readers**: Got that wrong.

**Voldemort**: MY FACE IS SLOWLY REFORMING.

**Weird light tunnel**: Hi, Snape!

**Snape**: NO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

**Dumbledore**: You'll be too young to die at 38 too, but you think Voldemort cares? Anyways, the prophecy didn't say anything about a woman.

**Snape**: Born to those who have _thrice defied him_? Pretty sure one of them is a woman, unless whoever the prophecy is talking about is a clone of two males.

**Dumbledore**: No, it's a regular human. But it's a guy, and he's supposed to born at the end of July -

**Snape**: Born as the seventh month dies - for all we know, that could refer to the Hebrew calendar, which would mean late Nissan, and that roughly corresponds to mid-April.

**Dumbledore**: Nah, it's the western calendar.

**Snape**: In that case, that means the son of the ONLY PERSON I HAVE EVER LOVED EXCEPT MAYBE MY MOM.

**Dumbledore**: It could also be Neville Longbottom.

**Snape**: That would explain his awesomeness, but no. Neville is a pureblood, which means the Dark Lord would be coming for Lily's son. He's gonna KILL THEM ALL!

**Dumbledore**: I seem to be disturbed by this bit of information.

**Audience**: FINALLY SOME GOOD ACTING!

**Snape**: Hide her! Let me show that I care about her happiness too by suggesting that you hide them all!

**Dumbledore**: I don't know… *starts walking away*

**Snape**: Plz? *puppy dog eyes*

**Dumbledore**: Well, if you give me something in exchange, thereby supporting the Manipulative!Dumbledore theories, I'll think about it.

**Snape**: I'll do anything to support these theories! The Dark Lord will be happy, he's a big fan.

~So, still doing creepy voiceovers of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!?This place has gone to the dogs. Luckily, next year I'll be transferred to Pigfarts~

**Lily's creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I love you so much. Also, how did Severus get here? Did he use an Invisibility Cloak? Or did he paint himself into our pictures? That's probably what happened, if the _James Potter_ series are to be taken into account.

**Lightning**: *is not accompanied by thunder*

**Lily**: *whispering* _You are my sunshine/My only sunshine/You make me happy/When clouds are grey/I never told you/How much I love you/Please don't take/My sunshine away._

**Harry**: Mama.

**Lily**: Yes, Mama loves you.

**Harry**: Dada.

**Lily**: Dada loves you too.

**Harry**: *points at Lily*

**Lily**: Yes, I'm Mama. But please be safe.

**Harry**: *shakes his head*

**Lily**: Okay, so be strong.

**Harry**: *blows a raspberry*

**Lily**: *laughs*

**Harry**: *smiles*

**yoneld**: Harry's behavior is based on my baby sister, but like I said in the disclaimer, I don't own either of them.

**Voldemort's creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: _Avada Kedavra!_

**Voldemort**: Die!

**Lily**: I NEVER SAW FRANCE!

**Peter**: Please don't kill me.

~Now to an actual memory. Again, why was this shown? Snape wasn't there. Something must be wrong with the memory. Again, I blame the onions~

**Evil telescope of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Haaaaaaaaaaaai.

**Snape's**** creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE!

**Dumbledore**: Yeah, well, they put their faith in the traitor Pettigrew, and you supported the Evil!Dumbledore theories, so I had to do something.

**Snape**: This guy is annoying.

**Book readers**: Gambon being in character? OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE WE WANT A SANDWICH.

**Dumbledore**: But! I'm not evil in this film, since I'm actually in character for once. Her son's still alive. Also, MORE FANCY TALKING!

**Snape**: You're one hundred years old, of course you talk fancy.

**Dumbledore**: Touché.

**Snape**: Also, HE DOESN'T NEED PROTECTION! THE DARK LORD IS GONE! Man, you're annoying.

**Dumbledore**: I left him on a doorstep in November, of course he needs protection, and you're the only competent staff member.

**Snape**: Oy vey.

**Dumbledore**: Also, the Dark Lord is not dead.

**Snape**: Oy vey is mir.

**Dumbledore**: He can't really hurt him now, but when he comes back, Harry Potter will be in mortal peril.

**Snape**: OY GEVALD!

**Dumbledore**: _Oy gevald_ is right. Also, he has her eyes.

**Snape**: O RLY?

**Dumbledore**: YAH RLY. Blue eyes.

**Snape**: Last time I checked, Lily's eyes were brown.

**Dumbledore**: They are. CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE! But if you truly loved her -

**Snape**: I know, I know. I have to protect my arch-rival's son because he's also my crush's son. But no one can know.

**Potter house**: I AM RUINED!

**Book readers**: Huh, that's true to the books!

**Snape**: NO NOT MY LILY.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: That's the spirit. But are you sure that I shouldn't reveal that you're good?

**yoneld's friendly-friend**: Yeah, he's sure. He's supposed to be mysterious!

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I WANT YOUR WORD.

**Sorty**: GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR!

**Harry**: Whew.

**Ron and Hermione**: WE ARE ADORAGABLE.

**Fred and George**: WE GOT POTTER! WE GOT POTTER!

**yoneld**: OH GOD WHY.

**Percy**: I am the embodiment of dignity.

**Hagrid**: YAY HE'S IN ME OL' HOUSE!

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: You're risking your life EVERY DAY, are you sure you don't want me to tell anyone?

**Harry**: *shakes hands with everyone*

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: He's a failing failure made of fail.

**Harry**: *looks at the head table*

**Voldemort**: Atchoo!

**Snape**: Did your turban just sneeze?

**Quirrell**: No, that was just a fart. I farted. Excuse me…

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: His arrogance would give his _father_ a run for his money. He seems to like the fact that he's famous.

**Harry's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Do you have no semblance of tact? You don't just say bad things about a dead person in front of their son.

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I DON'T CARE. James Potter? Lazy. Arrogant.

**Dumbledore**: OW.

**Ring**: CURSE YOU, ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!

**Harry**: MY FATHER WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Drink this.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: My hand isn't even burned, only my middle, ring, and little fingers.

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Well, it is better than in the book, but you still only have a year. *tries to leave*

**Dumbledore**: *loud whisper* _Snape! Come back here!_

**Snape**: Promise, Albus Dumbledore, sir -

**Dumbledore**: I don't promise, I solemnly swear that Draco is up to no good.

**Draco's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: _Harmonia Nectere Passus_.

**Dumbledore**: Something to do with harmonious nectarines.

**yoneld**: OH GOD WHY. I HAVEN'T HAD SUPPER YET AND I LOVE NECTARINES.

**Draco**: *puts an evil fruit of DOOOOOOOOOOOM! into the Black Vanishing Cabinet of Wait, Something Was Actually Black In Film Six And Not Just Looks That Way?* BTW, Dumbledore, it's an apple, not a nectarine.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I stand corrected. So yeah, Draco is supposed to kill me using his evil apple of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!.

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: No, that's _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ you're thinking of.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Oh right, he's just using it to test the Vanishing Cabinet. Also, how did I just see him?

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: You didn't. You just thought you did because this memory has been extracted by onions. That's what happens when you extract a memory by onions - you get a whole lot of random stuff that the person whose memory is shown never saw in his life.

**Snape**: I believe this wall needs your company.

**Draco**: Get your hands off me, you filthy half-blood!

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Well, we all know he's a failing failure made of fail. So I presume He-Who-Was-Nominated-Sir-Not-Appearing-In-Film-Six really wants you to do it.

**Snape**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT YOU. Also, why aren't you saying his name?

**Dumbledore**: Iunno. Also, you're supposed to be staring blankly.

**Snape**: Oh, right, everyone stares blankly in the movies.

**Dumbledore**: You're a secret agent, for the love of Merlin's Magic Marker! Secrets agents are always supposed to be staring blankly!

**Snape**: Right, I knew that.

**Dumbledore**: Pfft. Yeah, right.

**yoneld**: My laptop is insisting on putting periods instead of commas.

**Dumbledore**: If I have to die, you have to do it.

**Snape**: What? No! I can't kill a person!

**Dumbledore**: But that's the only way!

**Snape**: No, Draco and/or He-Who-Could-Have-Just-Killed-You-If-All-It-Takes-Is-The-Killing-Curse-Which-Means-You-Are-Just-As-Mortal-As-Any-Other-Person-Except-Him could just kill you if all it takes is the Killing Curse, which means you are just as mortal as any other person except the latter.

**Dumbledore**: Let me finish. It's the only way He-Who-I-Am-Suddenly-Refusing-To-Say-His-Name will trust you completely.

**Snape**: Don't say a word against my Headmaster!

**Harry**: Got it.

**Snape**: I sound like I'm crying.

**Soundtrack**: FILM SIX!

**Dumbledore**: I NEVER SAW URUGUAY!

**Snape**: I despise myself and the onions involved with my memories.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: BUT! There's something you're going to have to tell Harry.

**Snape**: Tell him yourself.

**Dumbledore**: I don't wanna. I can't tell Harry anything in this version, remember?

**Snape**: Sigh, fine. What do I need to tell him?

**Dumbledore**: But you can only tell him when it's time.

**Snape**: What time?

**Dumbledore**: One hour, seventeen minutes, and sixteen seconds into Film Eight, which is when I finally say Voldemort's name. That's when he's most vulnerable.

**Snape**: Okay. What do I need to tell him?

**Lightning**: ONIONS!

**Snape**: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: When Voldemort basically started the series by killing his parents and trying to kill him, Lily shouldn't have died. She cast herself -

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: What is she, a spell?

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: No, but what she did cast a spell. But that spell made Voldemort's curse rebound.

**Lily**: I HAVE A HAND.

**House**: I AM DESTROYED!

**Closet**: OH GOD WHY.

**Voldemort**: Die!

**Lily**: I NEVER SAW FRANCE!

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: When that happened, the Hufflepuff part of his soul FOUND the only living thing left and stuck to it: Harry.

**Owl**: *is not Hedwig*

**Harry**: My scar is obviously painted. At least the older me's scar looks like it's an actual scar.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: So yeah, Harry can speak with snakes -

**Teddy bear**: SAD FACE!

**Dumbledore's**** creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: And look into Voldemort's mind -

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: You're crying.

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: I'm an old man. My voice trembles a lot.

**Snape**: WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE?

**Dumbledore**: He's providing shelter to a part of Voldemort's soul.

**Harry**: Camera, please stop focusing on random sweaty parts of my body.

**Voldemort**: MY FACE IS SLOWLY REFORMING.

**Snape**: WHOA wait a second. That means -

**Dumbledore**: Yep.

**Snape**: - the same guy we've been trying to keep along the whole time -

**Dumbledore**: Yep.

**Snape**: - that guy -

**Dumbledore**: Yep.

**Snape**: - he's gotta die?

**Dumbledore**: Yep. *pops P*

**Snape**: THE ONE WOMAN I HAVE ONLY EVER LOVED IS DEAD! WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE I WANT A SANDWICH.

**yoneld**: THIS PART IS SO SAD!

**Theater (and yoneld's room)**: *is flooded with tears*

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: So you've just kept him alive so he can die at the proper moment?

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: Calm down, man! I'm no happier about it than you are.

**Harry**: Well, that isn't ominous or anything. It's like these trailer thingies on TV where you take a bunch of moments and put them at the right times.

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: So you've been raising him like a pig for slaughter?

**Dumbledore**: You actually care about him?

**Snape**: THAT HURT MY FEELINGS! *summons a canon Patronus*

**Book readers**: The filmmakers did something right? OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE WE WANT A SANDWICH.

**Dumbledore**: THE ONE WOMAN YOU HAVE EVER LOVED!

**Snape**: NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Harry**: THIS IS SO SAD!

**Dumbledore's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: You still love her?

**Snape**: I always have and I always will. *tears up*

**Patronus**: I AM STILL CANON!

**Harry**: WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE?

**Snape's ****creepy voiceover of ****DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**: So he's gotta die?

**Dumbledore**: Sigh. Yes. Yes, he does.

**Snape**: Well, that's just great.

**Dumbledore**: And Voldemort's gotta do it.

**Snape**: Well, he wants to do it anyways, so that's not a problem.

**Dumbledore**: IT'S ESSENTIAL!

**Snape**: He thinks so, too. *Apparates*

~Snape and Dumbledore might have just finished their conversation~

**Daniel Radcliffe**: MY ACTING IS GOOD, FOR ONCE!

**Harry**: I know, right? Also, this stuff doesn't make you wet, does it?

**VFX**: No. No, it doesn't. We just glitched out.

**Harry**: Oh, okay then. I'm just going to stare blankly at the wall for a while after putting the bucket back in my jacket pocket. Then I'll see if I can kick it. *stares blankly at the wall for a while after putting the bucket back in his jacket pocket*

~Five hours later~

**Harry**: Oh, come on!

_A/N: This is fourteen pages long. WHAT IS THIS MAGIC. Also, this part ranges between heartwarming and sad._

_**Review or your crush will marry your greatest enemy. And if you don't have one, they'll marry your bestest friendly-friend, which is even worse.**_


	12. Teh I KNEW TEACHERS ARE EVIL

_A/N: Hey guys! Word is incredibly slow today. Did it wake up on the wrong foot? Well, I don't know if it woke up on the wrong or on the right foot, since IT DOESN'T HAVE A FOOT. Also, Umbridge is no longer my #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil. It has been replaced by homework. Last year, I never did my homework. And I got away with that. That's because the teachers in my last school never actually checked on homework and were never really on my case. The trick was, if and when the teacher asked you for homework, you just don't say anything and they'll move on. But now, that is sadly not the case._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2/_book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, _Phineas and Ferb_, _Artemis Fowl_, or any other film/book/game in the series, or iheartmwpp.

~And now they just cut to Harry walking down the Grand Staircase. This movie is so seamless. Also, wasn't the Headmaster's office in the courtyard, according to the Game Six layout?~

**Books**: WE ARE FALLEN.

**Harry**: That, or Hermione used you to fight Death Eaters.

**Books**: Well, it certainly would go well with the flying books from the games.

**Ron and Hermione**: Don't mind us, we're just sitting at the bottom of the staircase.

**Harry**: I have a determined face.

**Ron**: Is something wrong with your thumb?

**Hermione**: No, it's okay. But you seem to be down…

**Ron**: Of course, I just LOST A BROTHER. How would you feel if you lost a sibling?

**Hermione**: I'm an only child.

**Ron**: But Harry is practically your brother. How would you feel if you lost him?

**Hermione**: Extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, nectarine, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely -

**Ron**: Are you done yet?

**Hermione**: Nearly. Extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely bad.

**Harry**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Do I have to reinstate Umbridge as my #1 Most Evil Thing of Evil?

**Hermione**: *looks up… OMINOUSLY!*

**Ron**: Notice how the light is shining on us in a weird way. *looks up*

**Hermione**: Where - _have_ - you - been?

**Harry**: Well -

**Hermione**: Seat empty! No _note_! Snape's memories gone!

**Ron**: She's right, mate, we thought you went to the forest.

**Harry**: That's what I'm doing now.

**Ron**: WHAT?

**Harry**: OW! I NEEDED THAT EARDRUM!

**Ron**: Are you mad?

**Harry**: Yes. Yes, I am. I'm mad at you for making me partially deaf.

**Ron**: British film?

**Harry**: In that case, not any madder than the rest of you.

**Ron**: You can't give yourself up!

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT THE STAIRCASE.

**Hermione**: Well, what do you know?

**Harry**: Ask Dumbledore. Ask Snape.

**Hermione**: Oh, those men.

**Ron**: Well, that just confirms my theory that teachers are evil.

**yoneld**: With all due respect, Ron, the Evil!Teachers theory is mine.

**Ron**: Well, I DON'T CARE.

**Harry**: So there's a reason I can hear the Horcruxes.

**Hermione**: I KNEW IT! No one can speak Japanese that well unless it is their mother tongue!

**Harry**: … or if they're Parselmouths.

**Hermione**: Yeah, why are you a Parselmouth?

**Harry**: *voice cracks* I think I might have figured it out a while ago.

**Snape**: Yeah… I think I might have given you the memories about it.

**Harry**: And so have you.

**Hermione**: NO! NOT MY SURROGATE BABY BROTHER!

**Harry**: … I'm less than a year younger than you, and some people I know get very offended when you call them babies just because they're younger.

**Hermione**: Can I come?

**Harry**: No.

**Hermione**: Plz? *puppy dog eyes*

**Harry**: No.

**Ron**: Can you say anything but no?

**Harry**: No. But you should kill the snake.

**Hermione**: GLOMP! *glomps*

**Harry**: So you're the good actor and I'm the bad one now?

**Hermione**: Yeah, pretty much.

**Ron**: I can't believe this. First the only competent teacher I have ever had, then his wife who I am on friendly terms with, then my brother, and now my bestest friendly-friend? That's it. I'm fed UP with this war.

**Hermione**: I know, right? Let's stare sadly at Harry for a while. *stare sadly at Harry for a while*

~Five hours later~

**Hermione**: Oh, come on!

~Meanwhile, in the courtyard…~

**Harry**: I AM WALKING.

**Grass**: I'M ALIVE!

~And in the forest~

**Harry**: I AM STILL WALKING.

**Camera**: *focuses on his face*

**Harry**: I HAVE STOPPED WALKING. *looks behind him… OMINOUSLY!*

**Trees**: Hi.

**Harry**: Hi. *takes out Snitch*

**Snitch**: I open at the close.

**Harry**: Snitch!

**Snitch**: What?

**Harry**: I have received my death sentence.

**Parody readers**: Is this the similarity with Artemis Fowl?

**yoneld**: You mean, other than both main characters having black hair? Yeah.

**Snitch**: I still need one last thing… *waggles nonexistent eyebrows*

**Harry**: KISS! *kisses Snitch*

**Snitch**: I HAVE WEIRD MECHANICS.

**Soundtrack**: And theme music.

**Resurrection Stone**: Hi.

**Harry**: Take your time, man.

**Audience**: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

**Harry**: Cool. *catches stone*

**Resurrection Stone**: I AM THE RESURRECTION STONE.

**Harry**: Now, let me close my eyes while mouthing indistinct words. *Closes his eyes while mouthing indistinct words*

**Audience**: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

**Harry**: *opens eyes*

**Book readers**: These guys don't look remotely the way Riddle did. How are you showing these things? Are they supposed to be grey and semi-transparent or solid and in color? PICK ONE AND STICK WITH IT!

**Marauders (minus Peter)**: Huh, we actually do look younger.

**Lily**: I've always looked this way.

**Harry**: Mum?

**Lily**: Harry! You've grown so much! Look at you, you've grown a mustache!

**Harry**: I know, right? *tries to grab her hand and fails*

**Lily**: I still feel it.

**Harry**: Cool.

**Lily**: And you've been so brave.

**Harry**: What are you all doing here?

**Lily**: We've always been here, you've just never seen us.

**Harry**: I don't remember specifically asking you this question in the book, Sirius, but does dying hurt?

**Sirius**: Nah, it's quicker and easier than falling asleep.

**Harry**: Are you Sirius?

**Sirius**: Yes. Yes, I am. My name is Sirius.

**James**: You're nearly dead anyways, son. Don't worry about it.

**Harry**: This is my fault. It's my fault you all died.

**Lily and James**: No, that's Trelawney's fault. The only way we can blame you is for existing, but that's out of the question.

**Sirius**: It's Snivellus' fault. He goaded me.

**Remus**: And coming to the battle was my choice.

**Harry**: But your son -

**Movie watchers**: What son?

**Book readers**: Sigh…

**Remus**: Others, and by that I mean you, will tell him what Dora and I died for. Don't worry, he'll understand.

**Lily**: Just like you did.

**Harry**: So you'll stay with me?

**James**: Yes. Yes, we will.

**Harry**: But what about -

**Sirius**: You Siriusly think he'll be able to see us? We're here. *points*

**Harry**: On my jacket?

**Sirius**: No, in your heart.

**Harry**: Stay close to me.

**Lily**: Always.

_A/N: Not many jokes in this one, I know. It's just very sad._

_**Review or your bestest friendly-friend will get a death sentence. Wow, I'm giving rather personal threats lately.**_


	13. Teh DOESN'T LOOK AT ALL LIKE KINGS CROSS

_A/N: HEY I still exist. Sorry for not updating for the past… How long has it been? *checks story on FanFiction* OH GOD WHY DID IT HAVE TO OPEN IN THE FIRST CHAPTER. The first chapter absolutely sucked. So yeah, sorry for not updating for the past week. My laptop forgot about the existence of the Wi-Fi networks in my house even when it was SITTING ON THE ROUTER, and my desktop computer crashed, so I couldn't update, but then today when I had to take the day off school because I woke up with a fever of a hundred degrees and I remembered my old D-Link adapter, which still remembers the existence of the Wi-Fi networks in my house. So there you go. Also, YAY NO MORE SADNESS. Oh, and I nearly forgot! How rude of me! Happy Rosh haShana! That's the Jewish New Year. 5773 started on Monday. Today's Hebrew date is Tishre 3__rd__, 5773._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film/book/game in the series, _Phineas and Ferb_, _Potter Puppet Pals_, _A Very Potter Musical_, or iheartmwpp.

~Having dropped the stone, Harry goes to… turn into Voldemort~

**Marauders**: Oh, great. This is our last appearance in the entire series and not only do the filmmakers strip it of every canon aspect, they also give Lily all the non-canon lines.

**Lily**: Well, Hermione is basically channeling me, so that means I also get all the focus.

**Marauders**: That is no excuse! That's it, we are DONE with this franchise. *leave*

**Sirius**: Well, that was fun. What should we do now?

**James**: I don't know…

**Remus**: Well, I hear Snape is dead, too.

**James**: THAT'S IT! Sirius and Remus, I know what we're gonna do today.

**Sirius**: What?

**James**: Let's go bother Snape!

**Snape**: I am Snape, the potions master.

**Marauders**: Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother.

**Snape**: *faints*

**Voldemort**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Sigh, I've been going over the top with this, haven't I.

**Voldemort**: The Title of the Movie is mine. Also, I am meditating over said Title of the Movie.

**Death Eater #5,824-4**: He's not coming, My Lord.

**Voldemort**: It seems that way.

**Bellatrix**: I AM WALKING WITH YOU.

**Voldemort**: Well, Death Eaters, it looks like we're going back to seize the castle. This is what Potter has chosen. Funny, I… I expected him to… I expected him to come. It seems I was mistaken.

**Harry**: You weren't.

**Voldemort**: *slowly turns around*

**Bellatrix**: YAY NOW WE CAN KILL HIM AND THE DARK LORD WILL BE MINE FOREVER.

**Hagrid**: HARRY! WHA' THE HECK D'YEH THINK YEH'RE DOIN' HERE? YEH CAN' JUS' LET HIM KILL YEH! JUS' THINK ABOU' HOW EVERYONE WILL FEEL!

**Death Eater #5,824-4**: OMG SHUT UP.

**Voldemort**: Harry Potter! The Boy Who Siriusly Thought I Was Just Going To Leave Everyone Alone After I Killed Him Because He's Stupid Like That!

**Harry**: I AM STARING BLANKLY AT YOU.

**Voldemort**: _Crucio_!

**Harry**: OH GOD WHY. MAKE IT STOP, YONELD.

**yoneld**: I can't, I'm copying AVPM.

**Voldemort**: _Crucio_!

**Harry**: KILL. ME. NOW.

**Voldemort**: You're not even going to fight back. Grr. You're weak. Weak… Just like your parents. *evil laugh*

**Harry**: OMG JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.

**Voldemort**: They did not deserve to live in this world, in MY world! Prepare to join them. Prepare to die.

**Nagini**: Tada kore o shite norikoeru.

**Hagrid**: This does not bode well.

**Harry**: By closing my eyes, I can filter all the annoying sounds. Also, Ginny.

**Voldemort**: _AVADA KEDAVRA!_

**Harry**: *dies*

~And now the forest and everyone in it implode~

**Fangirls**: OMG, OMG, OMG, _OMG_!

**Harry**: *appears in King's Cross fully clothed, without a scar, and no longer needing glasses. In other words, it's not Harry, it's Daniel Radcliffe.*

**Fangirls**: Awww…

**Filmmakers**: PG-13, people!

**Voldefetus**: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaai.

**Harry**: Ew.

**Dumbledore**: Hey, Harry.

**Harry**: Dumbledore? Wha - ? What am I doing here? Where am I? I thought I was dead. I was shocked by Voldemort.

**Dumbledore**: Let's say you're somewhere between our world and the next.

**Harry**: What? Did I survive? What?

**Dumbledore**: Wouldn't be the first time, Potter. Take a seat.

**Harry**: All right.

**Dumbledore**: Have you ever heard of a love - Sit down!

**Harry**: *sits down*

**Dumbledore**: Have you ever heard of a love shield?

**Harry**: No, but it sounds disturbing.

**Dumbledore**: A love shield is anything but disturbing. It's when somebody loves you so much that if they were ever willing to give their life for you, that love literally becomes a shield which surrounds the body to protect you from any form of Dark Magic.

**Harry**: So is that what happened to me? I have a love shield?

**Dumbledore**: Harry, it's time for you to learn all the things you should've known seven years ago, which really would've helped you along the way. The love shield protected you the first time. Er, Voldemort accidentally turned you into the seventh Horcrux, the one that not even he knew about.

**Harry**: That's why I survived the first time. Also, how did I even become a Horcrux? Doesn't the love shield protect from Dark Magic?

**Dumbledore**: He didn't use a spell to make you a Horcrux.

**Harry**: Any form?

**yoneld**: I have a theory about that. My theory is that Voldemort didn't actually use Dark Magic to make Harry a Horcrux, but that this automatically happens if someone is killed when they have something that keeps them alive, like a Horcrux, unicorn blood, or the Elixir of Life. The Elixir of Life is decidedly not Dark Magic, which means that in that case, the Horcrux created is not, in fact, Dark Magic.

**Harry**: That could work. But how did Voldemort manage to torture me with the Cruciatus Curse and how did the fake Moody manage to use the Imperius Curse on me?

**yoneld**: I have a theory about that, too. The fake Moody thing - maybe the love shield only extends to Dark Magic performed by the person who caused the love shield to be made. The Voldemort thing - I think that since Voldemort had Harry's blood, he could hurt Harry, but not kill him. Well, technically he could, but that would only make Harry stop being a Horcrux.

**Dumbledore**: Exactly. And when Voldemort tried killing you this time, he was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself inside of you. And I knew the whole time.

**Harry**: You knew the whole time? You Blast-Ended Skrewt!

**Dumbledore**: Hey, hey, they don't call me the greatest wizard who ever lived for nothing! Harry, it is time to get yourself back there and fight him as a mortal man. Except this time, he will be a mortal man too!

**Harry**: Dumbledore, I get what you're saying. I know what I have to do.

**Dumbledore**: Good boy, good boy.

**Harry**: The only problem I see is Nagini being alive and Voldemort having the Title of the Movie.

**Dumbledore**: The awesome character made of awesome can take care of Nagini.

**Harry**: Fred is dead and George has no idea how to kill Nagini.

**Dumbledore**: I meant Neville.

**Harry**: Right, I knew that.

**Dumbledore**: Whatever. Let me share my deep insights on words now.

**Audience**: Gambon in character? OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE I WANT SOME PIZZA.

**Dumbledore**: Let me hint at my backstory by saying that I'm not so humble. So yeah, I'm great at talking. Words are the most inexhaustible source of magic. MORE FANCY TALKING!

**Harry**: You're 116 if yoneld did the math right and he probably did, of course you talk fancy.

**Dumbledore**: ANYWAYS! So only people who deserve help will get it.

**Harry**: How can you deserve help?

**Dumbledore**: Heck if I know. Also, being dead is not that bad. In fact, it's pretty cool. Being alive, though, and living without love… *shudders*

**Harry**: Okay. Can I ask you one more question?

**Dumbledore**: It appears that you already did, but yes. Yes, you can.

**Harry**: So, Mum's Patronus was a doe, right?

**Dumbledore**: Yes. Yes, it was. She was meant for James.

**Harry**: I are confuzzled. If Mum was meant for James, how come she and Snape had the same Patronus? Isn't that weird?

**Dumbledore**: No. No, it's not.

**Harry**: I are still confuzzled.

**Dumbledore**: Well, gotta run. You too, Harry.

**Harry**: But is this real, or am I imagining this?

**Talking Zebra**: You're probably imagining this, Kevin.

**Dumbledore**: But why should that mean that's not real?

**Harry**: You are giving me one massive brain freeze.

**Dumbledore**: So I'm off. And so are you.

**Harry**: Just before we go, um, so you're clairvoyant now, right? You can see the past, the present, and the future all at the same time?

**Dumbledore**: Oh yeah.

**Harry**: Great! Can you tell me how this parody ends?

**Dumbledore**: Harry, there are some questions even I can't answer.

**Harry**: Thanks, man.

**Dumbledore**: Hey, no problem. Get outta here! Third door on your left! Yeah.

**Harry**: *leaves*

**Book readers**: So are we going to get Dumbledore's backstory? No? Well, you suck.

**Dumbledore**: *hits paper*

**Rumbleroar**: Are you ready to go, Dumbledore?

**Dumbledore**: Sure am, Rumbleroar!

**Rumbleroar**: *comes in* And you're sure you don't want to let Harry Potter know that you're really still alive?

**Dumbledore**: Oh no, Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for thousands of years. *climbs on Rumbleroar* It would be a shame to let the cat out of the bag. No pun intended. *pats Rumbleroar*

**Rumbleroar**: I suppose you're right. Do you have your space suit, Dumbledore?

**Dumbledore**: Oh! Thank you for reminding me! *gets down, leaves, comes back in a space suit, and climbs back on* Ready to go, Rumby?

**Rumbleroar**: I sure am. To Pigfarts! RUMBLEROAR!

~And the camera's stuck again. Let's freeze the picture~

_A/N: So, what do you think? More AVPM! And there will also be some in the next chapter._

_**Review or someone you loved dearly who is dead will turn out to actually be alive and run off to Pigfarts. See what I meant about the personal threats?**_


	14. Teh GENSBETS

_A/N: Not much is new except that the Hebrew date is Tishre 4__th__, 5773 and my fever has gone down, but I still can't go to school until my doctor figures out what I have (he thinks it's pharyngitis, whatever that is)._

_Birthdays in the family in the last Hebrew month include five cousins (8, 11, 25, and I don't know about the others except that one of them is married to the 25-year-old cousin and the other is married to said cousin's brother), two sisters (I've already mentioned one of their birthdays in chapter six, and they're turning 7 and 10), two aunts (I've stopped keeping track of my uncles and aunts' ages so I have no idea), one uncle (same), and both grandmothers (66 and 70). And today another cousin has her 13__th__ birthday. Anniversaries include one cousin couple - not the one that's 25, her brother (1) and three aunt/uncle pairs - one of the aunts that had her birthday recently (10, 14, and 25 or 26). You know, with such a big family (66 people including my nuclear family), it's impossible to avoid multiple birthdays in one month, but I still FIND it funny that so many people in my extended family married around their birthdays._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, _A Very Potter Musical_, _Phineas and Ferb_, or iheartmwpp.

~Finally, they fixed that camera~

**Voldemort**: OW MY HORCRUX.

**Bellatrix**: You okay, My Lord?

**Voldemort**: Uuhhhhhhh…

**Bellatrix**: Oh no, oh no, he's dead… *tries to pick him up*

**Voldemort**: I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

**Bellatrix**: YAY HE'S ALIVE. HOPEFULLY THE SAME CANNOT BE SAID FOR POTTER.

**Voldemort**: Get OFF me, you creepy woman!

**Narcissa**: Let me voluntarily help defeat you.

**Voldemort**: Of course, of course… wait, what?

**Narcissa**: Nothing… *goes over to Harry*

**Harry**: Now my cover's gonna be blown, isn't it.

**Narcissa**: Don't worry, I'll keep your cover if you tell me what happened to my son. I'm a true Slytherin.

**Harry**: I never liked your type much.

**Narcissa**: Just answer my question!

**Harry**: Fine. Draco is alive. Happy?

**Narcissa**: Not particularly.

**JKR**: Of the two sisters, Narcissa and Bellatrix, Narcissa is a much more decent person.

**Helen McCrory**: It's interesting that JK Rowling decided to do that. She decided this woman that would risk her own life to save her own son, understands loyalty and understands preservation of life.

**JKR**: I think one could argue that Draco, who is ultimately revealed not to be an evil character - Draco got his goodness from his mother. And ultimately I want - there's an echo of what Lily did - quite a conscious echo of what Lily did right at the start of the story…

**yoneld**: Well, chronologically it's at the start, but it's only heard in Book Three and seen in Book Seven.

**JKR**: … at the very end of the story. At the start of the story, Lily dies to keep her son alive. At the end of the story, Harry lies -

**yoneld**: Does anyone else find it slightly amusing that he's also lying on the ground, as in flat, and also lying about whether he's alive or not?

**JKR**: - pretending to be dead on the ground, and it's a mother who saves him again because she's trying to get to her own son. So that was my, you know - That was closing a circle. He was saved there by Lily, and he's saved there by Narcissa.

**yoneld**: Well, it was kind of clever, but I thought the reusing of Film One's soundtrack in the Epilogue, as well as having Lily II act exactly like Ginny, is a better way to close the circle.

**Hagrid**: I AM STARIN' BLANKLY AT YEH.

**Narcissa**: *gets up, slowly turns around, and pauses to let the soundtrack catch up*

**Audience**: OMG JUST GET ON WITH IT.

**Narcissa**: Fine. He's dead.

**Death Eaters**: Woot woot!

**Bellatrix**: Voldy! Voldy! You've done it, My Lord. Potter is dead. No one shall ever question your powers again.

**Voldemort**: *grins* Yes. *grin fades, turns to stare blankly at Harry*

**Bellatrix**: Doesn't this please you, My Lord?

**Voldemort**: *grins again* Yeah. Yeah, it's great, it's great. I just thought it would make me feel less empty inside. Well, Death Eaters, we go back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their… *chuckles* hero.

~Yet Another Abrupt Transition. Because all the uncool kids are doing it. Includes abruptness, rocks, and the soundtrack trying and failing to make it less abrupt~

**Neville**: I HAVE A FOOT.

**yoneld**: We all do.

**ROCKS!**: *exist*

**WHEEL!**: *exists*

**SORTY!**: *exists*

**Neville**:*picks it up*

**Sorty**: I think the camera has been following me the whole time.

**Random two students**: Don't mind us, we're just walking.

**Sorty**: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

**Neville**: This does not bode well. *limps in time to the soundtrack*

**Book readers**: You should be crying.

**Hagrid**: I DON' WANNA. I WANNA BE STARIN' BLANKLY AT EVERYONE.

**Harry**: I'm still pretending to be dead.

**Castle**: I AM SMOKING.

**yoneld and every science/health teacher or doctor ever**: Smoking is bad for your health.

**Giant #1**: He, ik ben nog steeds in de film!

**Voldemort**: Not anymore!

**Giant #1**: IK HEB NOG NOOIT BELGIË!

**Castle**: I don't feel so well… *barfs up everyone*

**yoneld and every science/health teacher or doctor ever**: *smirks* I told you so.

**Nagini**: WATASHI WA SONZAI SHITE IMASU!

**Voldemort**: SO DO I!

**Death Eaters**: SO DO WE!

**yoneld**: It's weird how a sentence like "I exist" that takes only two words in pretty much every language ever, takes five words in Japanese.

**Ginny**: Hagrid's a Death Eater?

**Hagrid**: No. No, I'm not.

**Ginny**: Then who is he carrying? Neville? Any ideas?

**Voldemort**: I seem to have finally realized that my greatest enemy is dead. So yeah, HARRY POTTER IS DEAD!

**Ginny**: NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

**Arthur**: Ginny, no!

**Voldemort**: SHUT UP, YOU STUPID GIRL! EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR IS DEAD, SO WHY DO YOU KEEP FIGHTING?

**Ron and Hermione**: NOT OUR BESTEST FRIENDLY-FRIEND!

**Voldemort**: From now on, I, Lord Voldemort, am your ruler.

**McGonagall**: NOT MY FAVORITE STUDENT! I WILL NEVER RECOGNIZE YOU AS MY RULER!

**Padma**: NOT MY FELLOW GRYFFINDOR! Also, two things. One, I should be in Ravenclaw. Two, where's Parvati?

**Younger Weasleys**: NOT OUR SURROGATE LITTLE BROTHER!

**Molly**: NOT MY SURROGATE SON!

**Percy**: I look weird.

**Fleur**: 'Ey, I'm still in ze movie! Also, NOT MY SURROGATE BRUZZER-IN-LAW!

**Voldemort**: Let me give a weird smile. *gives a weird smile* Now let me tell a joke: Harry Potter is dead! Come on, sheep, laugh!

**Death Eaters**: *laugh*

**Bellatrix**: O. M. G. You totally have the most awesomest sense of humor ever!

**Voldemort**: AWKWARD LAUGH! Also, I'm giving you the peaceful approach.

**Everyone**: Like that's going to happen.

**Voldemort**: Fine, then I'll say it like this: join me or die.

**Sprout, Pomfrey, and Slughorn**: OH GOD WHY.

**Filch**: Meow, prr, mrrow.

**Mrs. Norris**: Where am I and why am I not translating him?

**yoneld**: I'll translate: Even I seem to be slightly upset.

**Parody readers**: You speak Cat?

**yoneld**: No. No, I don't. I just magically gained an understanding of Cat while writing this part and now I no longer understand Cat.

**Voldemort**: So, looks like I'm going to have to kill you all.

**Lucius**: Contrary to popular fanfiction belief, I am actually trying to be decent by trying to save my son.

**Hermione**: Don't. Even. _Think_. About it.

**Lucius**: Plz? *puppy dog eyes*

**Draco**: I don't know…

**Narcissa**: Draco, I did _not_ risk my life by lying to the Dark Lord about the one thing that probably matters most to him just so he'll kill you.

**Voldemort**: She's right - Wait, what?

**Narcissa**: Nothing.

**Draco**: Sigh, fine. *starts walking*

**Random Hufflepuff #24**: You disgust me.

**Luna**: He must have a bad infestation of Gensbets.

**McGonagall**: What are Gensbets?

**Luna**: They're these creatures that cause you to make choices against your better judgement.

**McGonagall**: I'm just going to go with, "Poor boy, it must be hard on him".

**yoneld**: I kind of liked Ron's line in the video game.

**Voldemort**: Good for you, kid. HUGGLES! *huggles*

**Draco**: I'm lucky he can't feel love.

**Dean**: WOW this is awesome teasing material. I wish I had a video camera.

**Cho**: I should have graduated last year.

**Lucius**: That must have been a hard decision, son. Good for you. *pats him on the back*

**Narcissa**: Let's go, son.

**Draco**: Malfoys out. Peace!

**Neville**: Well…

**Everyone ever**: WHAT?

**Hermione**: Well this is just great.

**Voldemort**: Your arrival is most Sirius. And by Sirius, I mean completely riddikulus!

**Death Eaters**: THIS IS A COMEDY!

**Voldemort**: Anyway, who are you?

**Neville**: The most awesomest character in the history of ever.

**Bellatrix**: Yeah, right.

**Voldemort**: Well, you might come in handy eventually. You could make our enemies laugh themselves to death!

**Neville**: I'd like to say something.

**Voldemort**: I'm sure everyone would like to hear the most awesomest character in the history of ever.

**Neville**: Nobody who died now died in vain.

**Seamus**: No need to get killed, Neville.

**Neville**: But it's true! I think this is best expressed through song.

**Ron**: _He thinks that we're finished/He thinks that we're done/He thinks that it's over/His battle is won, HA!/He thinks that we're finished/But we aren't through/Stop and think my friends/What would Harry do for you?_

**Hermione**: _Harry never gave up the fight/Harry stood up for what is right/Well, now it's our turn…_

**Ron and Hermione**: _Our turn/Make a joyful sound/Voldemort is going down!/We must unite so we can fight/Turn the battle around/Time's running out/It's time to shout/Voldemort is going down._

**Everyone**: _We won't be pushed around anymore/We'll be a force you cannot ignore/We'll be an army for Dumbledore/For Dumbledore!/We must unite so we can fight/Turn the battle around/Time's running out/It's time to shout/Voldemort is going down._

**Neville**: *takes out sword* DIE!

**Harry**: I can drop my pretense now! *jumps out of Hagrid's arms*

**Voldemort**: What the heck?

**Harry**: DIE, STUPID SNAKE! EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD KNOW FROM LAST FILM THAT THIS WON'T WORK! CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Nagini**: *singsong voice* Sore ga shigoto ni iku node wana-ai!

**Death Eaters**: WE NEVER SAW CAMBODIA!

**Voldemort**: CURSE YOU, HARRY THE HORCRUX!

**Courtyard**: *implodes*

**Death Eaters**: *leave*

**Bellatrix**: Cowards! COWARDS!

**Harry**: Hey guys, I'm alive!

**Everyone**: _We won't be pushed around anymore/We'll be a force you cannot ignore/We'll be an army for Dumbledore/For Dumbledore!/We must unite so we can fight/Turn the battle around/Time's running out/It's time to shout/Voldemort is going down!_

_A/N: Sorry for splitting this here, I just have to go._

_**Review or you will be attacked by Gensbets.**_


	15. Teh NO WAY TO END A FILM

_A/N: So I was checking up on my Traffic Graph for this story, and I got views from the States, the UK, India, Canada, Australia, Germany, Israel, Sweden, Romania, France, Russia, New Zealand, Estonia, Italy, Portugal, Ireland, Poland, Singapore, Austria, Greece, Brazil, Iceland, Malaysia, Zaire, Belgium, China, the UAE, Bahrain, Taiwan, Indonesia, Latvia, Turkey, the Netherlands, Denmark, Finland, Monaco, Spain, Pakistan, the Czech Republic, Puerto Rico, and Jamaica. With a total of 1,030 views. And it's only been out for 42 days. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN. Well, I guess with FanFiction being an international site that could happen. I'm not entirely sure myself how I found half the fics I read. And it is kind of cool to have your stuff spread all around the planet. Oh, and the Hebrew date is Tishre 5__th__, 5773. And from now on, I don't think there will be as much AVPM as there was in the last couple of chapters._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film/book/game in the series, _Phineas and Ferb_, or iheartmwpp.

~No clever transition here because there is none. I just split in the middle of the scene, for the love of Merlin's giant mustache that would've given Vernon Dursley a run for his money!~

**Lucius**: I think I should go now.

**Narcissa and Draco**: Ya think? *leave*

**Harry**: 'Sup, Voldy?

**Soundtrack**: VICTORY!

**Voldemort**: I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE.

**Kingsley**: Yeah no. Also, I lost my fez.

**Harry**: I'll lure him into the castle, we have to kill the snake.

**Hermione**: Okay. Okay, but take this. *hands him basilisk fang*

**Voldemort**: DIE, LONGBOTTOM!

**Neville**: OW.

**Random Student #93**: Am I dead, or what?

**Ginny**: NEVILLE!

**Narcissa and Draco**: Well, we're out, so if you wanna come, Lucius, you better do it now.

**Lucius**: I'd rather go with you than stay here and get killed. *leaves*

~I just love this film's dynamic~

**Harry**: So yeah, the glitch still exists.

**Random student #87**: *breathes*

**Harry**: Back up, back up, back up…

**Random student #88**: *breathes*

**Harry**: *turns around*

**Random student #89**: *breathes*

**Harry**: DIE, VOLDEMORT! *DESTROYS wall*

**Random students #90-#92**: Hello, we're dead.

**Harry**: Sure hope I didn't kill them.

~What was the purpose of that?~

**Voldemort**: I FOUND the glitch, too.

**yoneld**: No, I did!

**Voldemort**: Now, where's Potter.

**Harry**: I'm over there.

**yoneld**: Hiding behind walls is kind of stupid. If whoever it is that is chasing you rounds the corner, they'll find you.

**Harry**: *takes out basilisk fang*

**Voldemort**: I AM WALKING.

**Harry**: DIE! *shoots blue spell that may or may not be _Stupefy_*

**Voldemort**: _Protego_! DIE, POTTER!

**Harry**: Since when does _Protego_ block _Avada Kedavra_?

**Voldemort**: IKR. CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Harry**: Well, Imma use this lack of continuity against you.

**Voldemort**: Yeah no. *Apparates behind him*

**Harry**: Even though I can no longer sense your presence, my sixth sense alerts me to your spell.

**Book readers**: But Nagini isn't dead yet!

**Harry**: I DON'T CARE. *does connection thingy*

**Voldemort**: Wait, wasn't that spell supposed to implode and then go off course?

**Harry**: Yes. Yes, it was. The filmmakers are still insisting on going as far as possible from the book.

**Voldemort**: DIE, POTTER!

**Nagini**: Kyoo waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

**Harry**: Darn it, I need a distraction… *brings down the roof*

**Voldemort**: GLITCH!

**Harry**: DIE, SNAKE!

**Voldemort**: NOT MY SNAKE!

**Harry**: *jumps off staircase. Is he suicidal or what?*

**Voldemort**: BLACK SMOKE!

**Harry**: *lands on other staircase. That kid is lucky* Hello? Rolling to my DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! here!

**Voldemort**: I don't care!

**Harry**: Imma kill that snake. *reaches towards basilisk fang*

**Voldemort**: OH NO YOU DON'T!

**Basilisk fang**: I NEVER SAW CHILE!

**Harry**: OH NO YOU DI'INT! *runs away*

**Voldemort**: IT'S ON! *chases him*

**Nagini**: Watashi was sorera o foroo suru tsumorida, Watashi was sorera o foroo suru tsumorida - ATAMA NO NAKA DE WAA.

**Hermione**: Psst! Over here!

**Nagini**: Sate, konnichiwa.

**Soundtrack**: She's a snake charmer!

**Hermione**: No. No, I'm not. But I am a rock thrower! *throws another rock*

~Aaaaaaaand… cut~

**Neville**: Well that certainly hurt.

**Death Eater #9,459-2**: I AM ON FIYAH!

**Neville**: Ooooooooooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ny…

**Sword**: *is shiny*

~Can't really say that furthered the plot too much~

**Harry**: How did we get up here?

**Voldemort**: No idea. DIE!

**Harry**: HA! YOU MISSED!

**Catwalk**: I NEVER SAW LESOTHO!

**Harry**: OW IN THE BACK. Also, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**Voldemort**: Yeah no.

**Harry**: OW IN THE HAND.

**Voldemort**: That's it?

**Harry**: OW IN THE OTHER HAND.

**Voldemort**: MORE!

**Harry**: OW IN THE NECK. Also, CAN'T BREATHE!

**Voldemort**: You think I care? Also, I hope that's not my robe. *pulls the random fabric into his hands*

~Now to Ron and Hermione~

**Hermione**: Back up, back up, back up…

**Ron**: I'm here, love!

**Hermione**: There's a door right behind me, why don't I go through it?

**Ron**: Hee hee, I'm sneaky, like a ninja.

**Nagini**: Uiizurii o shinu!

**Ron**: I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE ANYMORE!

**Nagini**: OM NOM NOM.

**Ron**: HA! YOU MISS.

**Basilisk fang**: OW IN THE ROOT.

**Ron**: NOT MY BASILISK FANG!

~Now, for the part you've all been waiting for…~

**Bellatrix**: DIE, BLOOD TRAITOR!

**Ginny**: Yeah no.

**Molly**: NOT MY DAUGHTER!

**Arthur**: You just messed with the wrong woman.

**Bellatrix**: Siriusly? An old woman?

**Molly**: I'm not even that old, I'm only 48!

**Bellarix**: I'm still younger than you!

**Molly**: I DON'T CARE! DIE!

**Bellatrix**: Okay, she's Sirius about killing me. Well, this should be easy.

**Molly**: Let me fool you for a bit.

**Bellatrix**: I AM COMPLETELY FOOLED!

**Molly**: And now Imma show my true colors. *tries to kill her*

**Bellatrix**: CONTINUITY! THIS SERIES HAS NONE!

**Molly**: Fine! Let me shoot a blue spell, that way she'll stop thinking I'm trying to kill her!

**Bellatrix**: I NEVER SAW GREENLAND! *turns into a statue*

**Molly**: Now, die!

**Bellatrix statue**: *implodes*

**Book readers**: Well, this wasn't the book version, but you can't get everything in life.

**Movie watchers**: What was the book version?

**Book readers**: Molly shot her with the Killing Curse and she dropped dead.

**Movie watchers**: We'll stick with the movie version, thanks.

~And according to some YouTube video, this deleted scene is supposed to fit here~

**Nagini**: Watashi wa akiraka ni CGI desu.

**Ron**: I'm in the castle, running for my life from the CGI snake.

**Hermione**: THIS IS SUCH A FUN DATE!

**Ron**: Speaking of dates, I need to tell you something.

**Hermione**: Yes?

**Ron**: I have something to tell you.

**Hermione's eyebrows**: I'm convinced we're going to survive, which is why you need to SHUT UP if it's related to us being about to be killed by a giant CGI snake. It'll just ruin the dramatic effect.

~And now to the showdown in the tower~

**Voldemort**: Come on! Why aren't you letting me beat you up?

**Harry**: I thought you hate everything Muggle?

**Voldemort**: Yes. Yes, I do.

**Harry**: So why do you want to beat me up?

**Voldemort**: It's the only thing that works.

**Harry**: Oh, okay then.

**Voldemort**: Yay! *beats him up and then attempts to strangle him* How did you do it?

**Harry**: Do what?

**Voldemort**: Survive! How?

**Harry**: I, unlike you, will make it to the end of the series, because I, unlike you, have something worth living for.

**Voldemort**: But you, unlike me, are a mortal man without Horcruxes, so DIE! *drops him and then kicks him*

**Harry**: Hey, you were right.

**Voldemort**: I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!

**Harry**: No, not always, just with this thing. You told Professor Snape the Title of the Movie was failing you. That's because for you, the Title of the Movie is a failing failure made of fail.

**Voldemort**: I KILLED SNAPE! THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE BELONGED TO HIM SO NOW IT BELONGS TO ME! AND I KNOW HE OWNED THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE BECAUSE IT ANSWERED TO HIM!

**Harry**: But what if it was answering to someone else who was there who was calling it at the same time?

**Voldemort**: That can't be right!

**Harry**: Come on, Tom. Let's finish this the way we started it.

**Voldemort**: By me trying and failing to kill you?

**Harry**: No, but that works too. I meant, TOGETHER! *hugs*

**Voldemort**: GET OFF OF ME!

**Harry**: I'm just making sure you fall off too. *jumps off*

**Voldemort**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

**Harry**: THERE'S A GLITCH, DO SOMETHING!

**Voldemort**: IT DOESN'T WORK WITH SIDE-ALONG!

**Harry**: THEN DO YOUR BLACK SMOKE THINGY!

**Voldemort**: OKAY! *does black smoke thingy*

**Harry**: IMMA RIP YOUR FACE OFF!

**Voldemort**: SO AM I!

**Harry**: WHEEEEE!

**Voldemort**: MY FACE IS SPLIT!

**Harry and Voldemort**: *crash into the courtyard and slowly crawl towards Draco's wand and the Title of the Movie, respectively*

**Audience**: Okay, we get it… now get on with it!

**Random student #93**: I'm still dead.

**Harry**: *grabs Draco's wand*

**Voldemort**: *grabs Title of the Movie* DIE!

**Harry**: TIMING!

**Soundtrack**: SHOWDOWN!

**Book readers**: But Nagini is still not dead and Neville still needs to be awesome!

**Nagini**: Sooda ne, watashi wa mada shinu koto wa dekimase!

**Ron**: DIE!

**Nagini**: *singsong voice* Sore ga shigoto ni iku node wana-ai! Sate, SHINU!

**Neville**: NOT MY FRIENDLY-FRIENDS!

**Nagini**: WATASHI WA NIHON O MITA KOTO GA NAI!

**Neville**: Now who's awesome?

**Ron**: YAY NOW HE CAN BE KILLED! Also, I must cry while hugging Hermione.

**Voldemort**: OW IN THE HORCRUX.

**Neville**: OH YEAH.

**Voldemort**: Oh no, now I can be killed!

**Harry**: Looks like I'm just gonna have to kill you now!

**Voldemort**: NEVER! DIE, POTTER!

**Harry**: HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED ME BEFORE?

**Weird light thingy in the middle of the collided spells**: WHEE!

**Title of the Movie**: Why don't you come in for some tea?

**Weird light thingy in the middle of the collided spells**: Yay!

**Voldemort's hand**: I AM PURPLE.

**Voldemort**: This does not bode well.

**Harry**: _Expelliarmus_!

**Voldemort**: I am absentmindedly letting go of my wand.

**Harry**: I AM A SEEKER! *catches Title of the Movie*

**Title of the Movie**: Yay master!

**Harry**: I'm just gonna smile at the now dead Voldemort.

**Voldepaper**: CURSE YOU, HARRY THE HORCRUX!

**Soundtrack**: Let me reflect on the sadness of this film.

**Book readers**: There was not supposed to be a chase, this was all supposed to be in the Great Hall, everyone was supposed to be watching, and Voldemort was supposed to just drop dead.

~Hang in there, guys, just a couple more scenes~

**Luna**: I need to go to the bathroom.

**Neville**: Yay! My summer fling is sitting next to me!

**Newly created fangirls**: CURSE YOU, LUNA THE LOVE INTEREST!

**Weasleys**: We are in shock.

**Random student #94**: Nah, just a few scratches.

**Random student #95**: Yeah, I'm fine.

**Cho**: What am I doing in a school uniform?

**Harry**: Let me smile at everyone. *smiles at everyone*

**Seamus**: *laughs*

**Aberforth**: No, really, I knew he'd be a great guy.

**Slughorn**: You know, it was really weird, I never lost my wand, ever.

**Flitwick**: How were you not killed?

**Slughorn**: I had to take off a bit of my robe to find it.

**Flitwick**: Uh, TMI?

**Hagrid**: Harry! Yeh did it! Yeh finally beat him!

**Harry**: IKR.

**Hagrid**: GLOMP! *glomps*

**Harry**: Great! Now I need to hug my other father figures. The only problem is that most of them are dead.

**Hagrid**: Good luck with tha'. *leaves*

**Filch**: What a mess. How will I ever clean this? Let's start by clearing this ginomongous pile of rubble. With a broom.

**Arthur**: Hello? I'm still alive!

**Harry**: But first I need to find my friendly-friends.

**Ron and Hermione**: We seem to be pretty happy, despite having nearly been killed by a giant snake a few minutes ago.

**Harry**: I wonder why. *knowing smile*

**Hermione**: Yeah, Ron is totally awesome.

~What is the point of transitions if they don't exist?~

**Harry**: I have somehow gotten rid of my jacket. *stands on the broken railing and stares blankly at the Title of the Movie*

**Concerned parents**: Kids, don't try this at home.

**Hermione**: Why didn't it work for him? The Title of the Movie?

**Harry**: Well, he didn't even know it was a Title of the Movie.

**Hermione**: The other one.

**Harry**: I had that Title of the Movie all along, I used it in the beginning of the movie, remember?

**Hermione**: The other one. The one in your hand.

**Harry**: It answered to someone else.

**Ron and Hermione**: We are confuzzled.

**Harry**: When he killed Snape, he thought the Title of the Movie would become his. But the twist here is that the Title of the Movie never belonged to Snape. Also, I seem to have gotten over my grudge towards Draco by calling him by his first name. So yeah, Draco disarmed Dumbledore in the Astronomy Tower. From then on, the Title of the Movie answered to him. Until just before the film began, when I disarmed Draco.

**Ron**: Man, you're lucky. Because that means…

**Harry**: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!

**Ron**: I worry about you sometimes. So what should we do with it?

**Hermione's eyebrows**: We? What are you talking about?

**Ron**: Well, it is the Title of the Movie…

**Harry**: I already shared one Title of the Movie with you guys.

**Ron**: But it never happened when it was a Title of the Movie. Last time you shared it with me was in Film Two and with Hermione in Film One. Well, now you have another Title of the Movie, so can you please share? We'll all be invincible.

**Harry**: Hmm, let me think about -no.

**Ron**: You're no fun.

**Harry**: DIE, TITLE OF THE MOVIE! *breaks Title of the Movie*

**Pieces of the Title of the Movie**: WE NEVER SAW PAPUA NEW GUINEA!

**Harry**: *gets off the railing*

**Ron**: *holds Hermione's hand*

**Harry**: *also holds Hermione's hand*

**Ron**: She's my girlfriend, you hear me? MINE!

**Harry**: And she's practically my sister, so I get to hold her hand.

**Hermione**: Guys, stop fighting over me. Let's just stare blankly at the green screen for a while.

~Five years later~

**Ginny**: Harry? You still there?

**Harry**: Yeah, why?

**Ginny**: Well, if yoneld did the math right and he probably did, James is supposed to be born next year. Are you planning on getting married before that?

**Harry**: Yes. Yes, I do.

**Ginny**: Then let's go! *leaves*

**Harry**: Hey, wait for me! *leaves*

**Ron and Hermione**: Well, we should probably leave too. *leave too*

**Screen**: *fades to black*

**Movie watchers**: Well, that was fun.

**Book readers**: Wait, there's an epilogue!

_A/N: So now there's going to be two more chapters. The next one is the epilogue and the one after that is a teaser to my Phineas and Ferb/Harry Potter crossover. Let me just tell you that I probably won't update the crossover every day. It's probably going to be once a week, on Saturdays. Also, tomorrow night, Israel is stopping Daylight Saving Time, so you might get the chapters an hour later than usual._

_**Review or Molly will turn you into a statue and then you'll implode.**_


	16. Teh AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

_A/N: So! The epilogue! The one you've all been waiting for! Why am I constantly using exclamation marks! … what? The chapter title? Oh, that. Well, it's true; the series does kind of have the fairytale-ish ending. Sure, it doesn't have the main character leaving with her handsome prince towards the sunset, or the main character being female for that matter, but it does kind of have the "and they all lived happily ever after" feel to it. Well, George might not live happily ever after, but you get what I'm saying. And my computer just decided to do its automatic update thingy. That's annoying. Oh, and the Hebrew date is Tishre 7__th__, 5773._

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the film _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2_/book _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, or any other film/book/game in the series, the _James Potter_ series, or iheartmwpp.

~19 years later. Yes, the world can be quiet for that long. You know, I almost thought JKR was going to do something with the next generation. Which she didn't. And that is why I thank FanFiction and G. Norman Lippert~

**Camera**: *fades back in* And I somehow Apparated from the bridge to St. Pancras station. Any Londoner would recognize that this is not King's Cross.

**Albus**: I have brown hair.

**Book readers**: Sigh… does not look like Harry one bit.

**Everyone who has watched Film One**: Memories…

**Lily**: I am not, in fact, the same actor as Lily I.

**James**: And I'm not the same actor as James I! But I shouldn't be fourteen.

**OWL!**: *exists*

**FERRET!**: *exists*

**Audience**: Wasn't there a rule in Film One that students can only bring cats, owls, or toads?

**yoneld**: They must have changed it in this version. Actually, scratch that, Ginny had her Pygmy Puff in the book too. Still doesn't explain Scabbers and Lee's tarantula, though.

**Random Muggles**: Don't mind us, we're just getting off the train.

**Lily**: Thanks for the ride, big brother!

**James**: No problem, little sister. Now let me go through confidently. Siriusly, why am I doing this as if I've done it a million times before? I'm only a second year.

**Wall**: Heck if I know. Just go through with it!

**James**: I have a lot of "its".

**Wall**: Fine. The trolley, the suitcases, and your pet owl.

**Albus**: Sigh, even the filmmakers are making references to my initials being a snake.

**Harry**: Don't worry about it, son. *goes through with Albus*

**Audience**: Aww, some father-son bonding time!Wait… who the heck is that?

**Barely recognizable Potters**: *pass another family*

**Audience**: Okay, obviously Draco, who is that woman, and their son.

**Draco**: I have my hair all combed back again!

**Scorpius**: Yay actual similarity between father and son!

**Random father**: Look after each other!

**Random boy**: I have a pigeon.

**Random girl**: Cool.

**Flying paper thingy**: I will avenge my dead father! You know, the one that was burned by the toad in Film Five!

**Lily**: OMG A FLYING PAPER THINGY I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLE IN MY LIFE WHAT IS THIS MAGIC.

**Ginny**: Sheesh, girl, you've grown up around magic your whole life!

**Lily**: I DON'T CARE. Imma chase the flying paper thingy. *chases the flying paper thingy*

**Soundtrack**: MORE FILM ONE MUSIC!

**Random redhead girl**: I am not Rose.

**Rose**: Over here!

**Hermione**: I AM ACTUALLY RECOGNIZABLE!

**Ron**: SO AM I!

**Hugo**: Don't ask me how I got that name. Maybe Mum likes Victor Hugo or had a grandfather named Hugo? That's the only thing I can think of. But I do look like Dad.

**Rose**: Yeah, well, I don't look one bit like Mum.

**Hermione**: Got your bag?

**Rose**: Yep.

**Hermione**: Jumper?

**Rose**: You just zipped it up, so obviously I have it! Duh!

**Hermione**: MY ONLY DAUGHTER IS LEAVING ME FOR A YEAR. I MUST HUG HER. *hugs her*

**Hugo**: Hello?

**Hermione**: You're not my daughter, you're my son.

**Ron**: Hate to interrupt the mother-daughter bonding time, but our relatives are here.

**Hermione**: We've got a lot of those.

**Ron**: Oh, you know what I mean.

**Harry and Ginny**: WE ARE ONE HAPPY FAMILY!

**Albus**: I need to tie my shoelace.

**Ginny**: You talk to him.

**Harry**: Mothers are supposed to talk to their kids about their feelings!

**Ginny**: In this series, they're just supposed to save their kids for plot-related purposes. The father does everything else.

**Harry**: Oh, okay then. *goes back to talk to Albus*

**Ginny**: Men…

**Harry**: Hey.

**Albus**: What if…

**Harry**: No "what if" questions.

**Albus**: But what if…

**Harry**: I said, no "what if" questions.

**Albus**: But what if I'm in Slytherin?

**Harry**: Well, your middle name is Severus. He was a Headmaster. He was a Slytherin. He was the bravest man I ever knew despite the fact that he wouldn't say Voldemort's name.

**Albus**: But what if I am?

**Harry**: Well, I envy the Slytherins.

**Albus**: I don't know…

**Harry**: If it really matters that much to you, then you have a choice. The Sorting Hat does what you want it to do.

**Albus**: O RLY?

**Harry**: YAH RLY.

**Hogwarts Express**: Hem, hem.

**yoneld**: Sigh, I guess this was inevitable.

**Random girl**: Bye!

**Conductor**: GET UP, GET UP, WE'RE NOT WAITING FOR YOU!

**Firework**: WHEE!

**Albus**: Hey, watch out with the fireworks!

**James**: Apparently, I'm okay with my younger brother and cousin hanging out with my friends.

**Chocolate frog**: FREEDOM!

**Rose**: Hey, I'm over here!

**Chocolate frog**: Oh, hey, a person who already knows what's on the card!

**Hermione**: She is so much like me.

**Ron and Harry**: Yay they're finally going to Hogwarts!

**Hugo**: In two years it'll be me.

**Albus**: I seem excited!

**Rose**: I am overwhelmed.

**Ginny**: Oh, they'll be fine.

**Harry**: All _is_ well, thank you very much.

**Camera**: Let me just fade out and let the soundtrack do the rest.

**Soundtrack**: THIS IS A TRULY WONDERFUL ENDING!

**Credits**: WE ARE CLASSIC CREDITS WITH CLASSIC MUSIC.

**Audience**: Too bad that's over…

**G. Norman Lippert**: Are you sure?

**Book readers**: YAY MORE BOOKS.

**Movie watchers**: Well that's nice, but what about us?

**K Studios**: We are bringing the new series to life.

~And they all lived happily ever after~

_A/N: So yeah, I'm finally done with this. Now there's just the Phineas and Ferb/Harry Potter crossover teaser thingy to upload, but that's coming in a few minutes._

_**Review or you will be Sorted into the one house you don't want to be in.**_


	17. Teh TEASER

_A/N: This is not an actual chapter of the parody, it's just a teaser for my Phineas and Ferb/Harry Potter crossover. It is also the first chapter._ Disclaimer:

**yoneld**: Do I own Harry Potter?

**Harry**: Well…

**yoneld**: What makes you think I do own Harry Potter?

**Harry**: Gred and Forge's distinct awesomeness and Umbridge's distinct toadliness?

**yoneld**: No, these are the reasons Gred and Forge are my favorite characters and Umbridge is my least favorite. If I owned the series, do you think Fred would have died and Umbridge would not?

**Harry**: Touché.

**yoneld**: And do I own Phineas and Ferb?

**Phineas**: No. No, you don't.

**yoneld**: Yeah, didn't think so.

_A/N: And now for the crossover:_

Key:

**Bold text** is the name of the P&F character that is speaking.

**Bold and underlined text** is the name of the HP character that is speaking.

Underlined text is a song.

_Underlined and italic text_ is writing on things.

_Italic text_ (not as part of a line) is captions.

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation/And school comes along just to end it/So the annual problem for our generation/Is finding a good way to spend it/LIKE MAYBE:/Building a rocket or fighting a mummy/Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower/Discovering something that doesn't exist -

**Phineas**: Hey!

Or giving a monkey a shower/Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots/Or locating Frankenstein's brain -

**Phineas**: It's over here!

Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent/Or driving your sister insane -

**Candace**: Phineas!

As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do/Before school starts this fall -

**Phineas**: Come on, Perry!

So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are/Gonna do it all/So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are/Gonna do it all.

**Candace**: MOM! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

_Phineas and Ferb and the Sorcerer's Stone_

~Breakfast at the Flynn-Fletcher home~

**Linda**: So what are you all planning on doing today?

**Phineas**: Well, there's this book series you bought us last week. Ferb and I are going to go into it.

**Linda**: What do you mean?

**Phineas**: Oh, you know, we're going to build something that lets us go into it and take part in the events in the book.

**Linda**: What an active imagination. *chuckles*

**Candace**: They're really going to do it, Mom.

**Linda**: Oh, give it a rest, Candace.

**Candace**: But they are. Every day they build something. But then when you get home, it magically disappears.

**Linda**: You all have such wonderful imaginations. Well, your father and I are going to run some errands. Come on, honey. *leaves*

**Lawrence**: *leaves*

**Candace**: *runs outside* Mom! Wait!

**Linda**: What, have they already built it?

**Candace**: No. No, they haven't. But while you're gone, I'm in charge, right?

**Linda**: Well, why would anyone need to be in charge?

**Candace**: Well… *pauses to think about it* What if giant chessmen crush the house?

**Linda**: If that happens, you're in charge.

**Candace**: Yes! *goes in* Guys! I'm in charge. You know, conditionally.

**Phineas and Ferb**: *stare blankly at her*

**Candace**: Carry on. *leaves*

**Phineas**: Well, we can't be in the book alone. We need to invite people.

**Ferb**: *pulls out a list*

**Phineas**: That's it! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today in addition to the other thing we were gonna do today.

~A few minutes later~

**Phineas**: Ferb, I know who we're gonna invite today.

**List**: _Baljeet, Buford, Candace, Isabella, Jeremy, Stacy_

~Meanwhile, in Candace's room~

**Stacy**: You know, Candace, if you weren't so obsessed with busting your brothers, I bet Jeremy would spend more time with you.

**Candace**: But they're always up to something and I just can't get Mom to know about it!

**Phone**: *rings*

**Candace**: Hello?

**Jeremy**: Hey, Candace.

**Candace**: Oh, hi, Jeremy.

**Jeremy**: So, I was thinking… do you want me to come over to your house later?

**Candace**: Wait just a second, Jeremy. *covers phone* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *uncovers phone* Why, yes. Yes, I do.

**Jeremy**: Great! So, I'll see you in like half an hour. *hangs up*

**Candace**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

**Stacy**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

**Candace**: Oh my God, I can't wait… Wait a second… What is going on out there?

~In the backyard~

**Isabella**: *comes in* Whatcha doin'?

**Phineas**: Hi, Isabella! We're making the Book-Enterer 3000.

**Isabella**: What does it do?

**Phineas**: When it's done, it should let you go into a book.

**Isabella**: Cool! Can I come with you?

**Phineas**: Yes. Yes, you can.

**Buford and Baljeet**: *come in*

**Phineas**: Hi, Buford. Hi, Baljeet.

**Baljeet**: What are you doing?

**Phineas**: We're going to go into a book.

**Buford**: Books are for nerds.

**Phineas**: We're not going to read it! We're going to be a part of it.

**Baljeet**: Sounds fun.

**Buford**: Oh, well…

**Phineas**: Everything going okay there, Ferb?

**Ferb**: *thumbs-up*

**Phineas**: Great. Hey, where's Perry?

~Where's Perry?~

**Perry**: *puts on fedora, looks right and left, then goes into the bathroom and flushes himself down the toilet. He lands in his lair*

**Monogram**: Good morning, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz has bought the entire Harry Potter series. We need you to find out what's going on and put a stop to it. Good luck, Agent P.

**Perry**: *salutes and leaves*

Doo-be doo-be doo-ba/Doo-be doo-be doo-ba/Doo-be doo-be doo-ba/Doo-be doo-be doo-ba/Agent P!

**Perry**: *goes in through the front door*

**Doofenshmirtz**: What's this? A platypus?

**Perry**: *pulls out fedora*

**Doofenshmirtz**: Perry the Platypus! Well, you are too late. *traps him in a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix* Behold, the Bookinator!

**Bookinator**: *has the creepy inator music with it*

**Doofenshmirtz**: You see, Perry the Platypus, I read this new series that is really in right now, and I thought I could help this Voldemort person. I know, I know, he let this Potter kid kill him in the last book, but it never hurts to have one more follower! And after Voldemort takes over Britain, I will use what he taught me to take over the Tri-State Area! *takes out remote and presses button*

**Bookinator**: *opens a portal to Hogwarts during an unspecified Quidditch match*

**Doofenshmirtz**: Wait, this isn't how the book begins… *turns off Bookinator, flips to page 69 and turns the Bookinator back on*

**Bookinator**: *opens a portal to the Leaky Cauldron*

**Doofenshmirtz**: Goodbye, Perry the Platypus! The next time you will see me, I will be the ruler of the Tri-State Area! *goes through portal*

~And in the Flynn-Fletcher home~

**Stacy**: Forget your brothers, Candace, Jeremy should be here anytime now!

**Jeremy**: *rings doorbell*

**Candace**: *opens door* Oh, hi, Jeremy.

**Jeremy**: Hi, Candace. Let's go to the backyard.

**Candace**: But Phineas and Ferb -

**Jeremy**: I know, they set this up.

**Candace**: What?

**Jeremy**: *scratches his ear* Well, they called me earlier today and asked me if I wanted to come with you into some book. They said it'll be fun.

**Candace**: Well, okay then.

**Stacy**: Wait a moment! Can I come, too?

**Candace**: Well, if you want to.

**Stacy**: Great. *they all go to the backyard*

**Phineas**: Well, Jeremy and the girls should be here by now…

**Candace, Jeremy, and Stacy**: *come out to the backyard*

**Phineas**: Ferb, open the portal at page 69.

**Ferb**: *takes out a remote, flips the book to page 69, and presses the button*

**Book-Enterer 3000**: *opens a portal to the Leaky Cauldron*

**Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford, Candace, Jeremy, and Stacy**: *go in*

_A/N: How do you like it so far?_

**_Review or you will be trapped in a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._**


End file.
